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"How can I screw my life up today?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 659919" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Lil, I am right there with you. I know just how you feel. I used to wonder also, "does he plot how he can mess things up" My son was in and out of several juvenile facilities and group homes and he would be within weeks of completing a program that would allow him to be "out of trouble" and yet he would bolt and run away.</p><p>There just is no making any sense of why they choose to live the way they do. They don't want to follow any rules and yet they expect someone else to take care of them and foot the bill for their needs.</p><p>We, the parents are left with our hearts broken, fighting the urge to swoop in and scoop them up and make it all better.</p><p></p><p>I'm a good 20 years further down this road than where you are now. As hard as it is the best thing we can do for our Difficult Child is allow them fail on their own. That is the only way they will learn for themselves. It has always baffled me that my son has such a high IQ and yet he lacks common sense. Hi ego has always gotten in his way. He's 33 now and has managed to stay alive. He's currently traveling across the country with his dog. I would be lying to say that I don't worry about him but I don't obsess over it. To be quite honest I just don't have the energy it would take.</p><p></p><p>Lil, you will not lose your son. He's your son, you are his mother and that will never change.</p><p></p><p>Even though he is behaving in a way that would have him appear helpless, he's not. Right now he is at the age where he demands to be his own person and yet still wants mom and dad to help out. The more traditional "launching" goes much smoother than it does with our Difficult Child. You just have to keep standing firm in your decisions to not help him.</p><p></p><p>Have you ever read the story about the struggling butterfly? Short version: If when you see the butterfly struggling to come out of the cocoon, you cut to cocoon open to make it easier for the butterfly, it will come out of the cocoon but it's wings will never fill out and it will never fly. It is the struggle of coming out of the cocoon that causes it's wings to fill and to give it the strength to fly.</p><p>You have to fight the urge to cut open his cocoon.</p><p></p><p>The hard part is accepting that the life our Difficult Child want to live is so far from what we had hoped for them.</p><p></p><p>Lil, you will get through this, you will survive this and so will your son.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 659919, member: 18516"] Lil, I am right there with you. I know just how you feel. I used to wonder also, "does he plot how he can mess things up" My son was in and out of several juvenile facilities and group homes and he would be within weeks of completing a program that would allow him to be "out of trouble" and yet he would bolt and run away. There just is no making any sense of why they choose to live the way they do. They don't want to follow any rules and yet they expect someone else to take care of them and foot the bill for their needs. We, the parents are left with our hearts broken, fighting the urge to swoop in and scoop them up and make it all better. I'm a good 20 years further down this road than where you are now. As hard as it is the best thing we can do for our Difficult Child is allow them fail on their own. That is the only way they will learn for themselves. It has always baffled me that my son has such a high IQ and yet he lacks common sense. Hi ego has always gotten in his way. He's 33 now and has managed to stay alive. He's currently traveling across the country with his dog. I would be lying to say that I don't worry about him but I don't obsess over it. To be quite honest I just don't have the energy it would take. Lil, you will not lose your son. He's your son, you are his mother and that will never change. Even though he is behaving in a way that would have him appear helpless, he's not. Right now he is at the age where he demands to be his own person and yet still wants mom and dad to help out. The more traditional "launching" goes much smoother than it does with our Difficult Child. You just have to keep standing firm in your decisions to not help him. Have you ever read the story about the struggling butterfly? Short version: If when you see the butterfly struggling to come out of the cocoon, you cut to cocoon open to make it easier for the butterfly, it will come out of the cocoon but it's wings will never fill out and it will never fly. It is the struggle of coming out of the cocoon that causes it's wings to fill and to give it the strength to fly. You have to fight the urge to cut open his cocoon. The hard part is accepting that the life our Difficult Child want to live is so far from what we had hoped for them. Lil, you will get through this, you will survive this and so will your son. ((HUGS)) to you!! [/QUOTE]
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