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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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<blockquote data-quote="ANewLife4Me" data-source="post: 764844" data-attributes="member: 32799"><p>Hello Gafese and welcome. It’s so difficult to step away from our children who keep taking from us and continuing to do as they please. My situation with my daughter, the back and forth - her living with us - helping her - giving her money ect, has no different result than when we started so many years ago….she is back in jail. </p><p></p><p>Our children have to WANT to change, as long as we give them everything they need there is no lesson for them on how to thrive on their own. They shame us with guilt, how we owe it to them, they did not decide to be born, in the case of my daughter there is mental, alcohol and drugs involved. She will not get therapy and refuses mental medications. This time of her being in jail I said enough!</p><p></p><p>Enough because we deserve a life too. We deserve good health and good mental clarity. We are absolutely enablers and have to let go, hard as that might be. Give him a plan of what YOU want and stick to a timeframe of this and that to be completed. If he cannot stick to your plan you should cut all monies that are possibly being used to buy drugs. It’s absolutely gut wrenching to do this and will lead you to incredible amounts of stress. At first I cried non stop everyday after my decision of no contact. I went into a deep depression and talked of my daughter non stop, waking thoughts of nothing but her, imagining worse case scenarios. You see? I had to STOP or else face the possibility of harming myself, heart attack, stroke ect. In Allison Bottke book, Setting Boundaries with our adult children, she herself went through this with her own son and has come through with a better relationship with her son. </p><p></p><p>For myself? No contact! But! If my daughter tries, if she goes to counseling - takes mental medications - holds a job - pays her bills, I would GLADLY welcome her back into my arms yet again. I don’t hold out too much hope of that happening though because her personality is she won’t listen to anyone or do what they say. </p><p></p><p>I wish you good luck in this decision, it’s a tough one for sure. At the end of the day though….who is putting more effort into this? You or him? <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes :blush:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f60a.png" data-shortname=":blush:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ANewLife4Me, post: 764844, member: 32799"] Hello Gafese and welcome. It’s so difficult to step away from our children who keep taking from us and continuing to do as they please. My situation with my daughter, the back and forth - her living with us - helping her - giving her money ect, has no different result than when we started so many years ago….she is back in jail. Our children have to WANT to change, as long as we give them everything they need there is no lesson for them on how to thrive on their own. They shame us with guilt, how we owe it to them, they did not decide to be born, in the case of my daughter there is mental, alcohol and drugs involved. She will not get therapy and refuses mental medications. This time of her being in jail I said enough! Enough because we deserve a life too. We deserve good health and good mental clarity. We are absolutely enablers and have to let go, hard as that might be. Give him a plan of what YOU want and stick to a timeframe of this and that to be completed. If he cannot stick to your plan you should cut all monies that are possibly being used to buy drugs. It’s absolutely gut wrenching to do this and will lead you to incredible amounts of stress. At first I cried non stop everyday after my decision of no contact. I went into a deep depression and talked of my daughter non stop, waking thoughts of nothing but her, imagining worse case scenarios. You see? I had to STOP or else face the possibility of harming myself, heart attack, stroke ect. In Allison Bottke book, Setting Boundaries with our adult children, she herself went through this with her own son and has come through with a better relationship with her son. For myself? No contact! But! If my daughter tries, if she goes to counseling - takes mental medications - holds a job - pays her bills, I would GLADLY welcome her back into my arms yet again. I don’t hold out too much hope of that happening though because her personality is she won’t listen to anyone or do what they say. I wish you good luck in this decision, it’s a tough one for sure. At the end of the day though….who is putting more effort into this? You or him? 😊 [/QUOTE]
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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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