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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764851" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>We are also loving our children by letting them deal with their lives as they choose.</p><p></p><p>My son does not see that he chooses to do one thing or another. He does not acknowledge choice. He sees consequences as having nothing to do with what he does or doesn't do. He acknowledges no agency in his life. He sees choices as other people's choices that negatively or positively affect him, ie whether or not I give him money, lodging, or whatever other support he wants, with no strings attached.. This means he manipulates me. It also means he batters me emotionally. </p><p></p><p>Until my son sees his behavior, attitudes, and actions define his circumstances, character, and consequences, he will forfeit control over his life and he will stay the same. In my own son's case, I do not know whether he is the way due to addiction, early trauma, a traumatic brain injury, chronic mental illness, or all of the above. However, I do know that the only chance he has to learn to love himself is a direct relationship between himself and the consequences of his actions. If I take responsibility, I directly break this necessary learning chain.</p><p></p><p>What I am saying is that it is loving our adult children to allow them to live their lives as they are able, and to learn. This is respectful and this is loving..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764851, member: 18958"] We are also loving our children by letting them deal with their lives as they choose. My son does not see that he chooses to do one thing or another. He does not acknowledge choice. He sees consequences as having nothing to do with what he does or doesn't do. He acknowledges no agency in his life. He sees choices as other people's choices that negatively or positively affect him, ie whether or not I give him money, lodging, or whatever other support he wants, with no strings attached.. This means he manipulates me. It also means he batters me emotionally. Until my son sees his behavior, attitudes, and actions define his circumstances, character, and consequences, he will forfeit control over his life and he will stay the same. In my own son's case, I do not know whether he is the way due to addiction, early trauma, a traumatic brain injury, chronic mental illness, or all of the above. However, I do know that the only chance he has to learn to love himself is a direct relationship between himself and the consequences of his actions. If I take responsibility, I directly break this necessary learning chain. What I am saying is that it is loving our adult children to allow them to live their lives as they are able, and to learn. This is respectful and this is loving.. [/QUOTE]
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How can l stop feeling sorry for my 21 year old??
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