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Substance Abuse
How can we keep difficult child away from druggie girlfriend?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 495994" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>been there done that. My difficult child had just broken up with her boyfriend when she went to rehab. It was a destructive relationship, they both smoked pot and drank 24/7 during the summer and any chance they got during the rest of the year. difficult child was obsessed with him and blames the breakup on her going on a binge that led to rehab. It would have happened anyway but he was a big part of it. When she was in rehab she contacted him several times and when she got out he started seeing her again, picking her up from work and smoking pot in the car with her. She ended up getting kicked out of her intensive outpatient aftercare because of smoking pot. </p><p></p><p>I knew that if she continued with this relationship she would relapse harder and not get back on track. I did the unthinkable. I contacted his parents by letter and outlined all the things that had happened over the past year, including the fact that he was partly responsible for her getting kicked out of college for going up there three times a week and bringing beer and pot, which she finally got caught with. I told them she got kicked out of rehab because he helped her relapse. They were good people and were very upset also and promised to do whatever they could to keep their son away.</p><p></p><p>It could have backfired on me but I wasn't willing to let the $25,000 we paid for rehab go down the drain without a fight. And I also figured we had nothing to lose at that point.</p><p></p><p>But in your case the girl is living on the street and I don't know how you keep them apart. Will he be involved in an outpatient program? He needs to have a great deal of support when he comes home so that he can break away from her and continue with his recovery. Will he be seeing a therapist? If he will, I would ask his permission to talk with the therapist and explain your concerns so the therapist can help him in this area.</p><p></p><p>You need to be very clear what your expectations are and what you will and will not accept and you have done that with the rules you set. Communicate that rules to him in from of his counselor at the rehab so that any problems or confusion can be addressed. You may have to be prepared to askk him to leave your home if the relationship continues and he relapses. </p><p></p><p>I had a lot of anger towards difficult child's ex-boyfriend for his interference in her recovery. To this day I am angry at him but fortunately he is now out of the picture. At some point your son has to be strong enough to turn away from destructive relationships himself but he is not there yet.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, keep posting because the re-entry from rehab can be a rought one. Stay focused.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 495994, member: 59"] been there done that. My difficult child had just broken up with her boyfriend when she went to rehab. It was a destructive relationship, they both smoked pot and drank 24/7 during the summer and any chance they got during the rest of the year. difficult child was obsessed with him and blames the breakup on her going on a binge that led to rehab. It would have happened anyway but he was a big part of it. When she was in rehab she contacted him several times and when she got out he started seeing her again, picking her up from work and smoking pot in the car with her. She ended up getting kicked out of her intensive outpatient aftercare because of smoking pot. I knew that if she continued with this relationship she would relapse harder and not get back on track. I did the unthinkable. I contacted his parents by letter and outlined all the things that had happened over the past year, including the fact that he was partly responsible for her getting kicked out of college for going up there three times a week and bringing beer and pot, which she finally got caught with. I told them she got kicked out of rehab because he helped her relapse. They were good people and were very upset also and promised to do whatever they could to keep their son away. It could have backfired on me but I wasn't willing to let the $25,000 we paid for rehab go down the drain without a fight. And I also figured we had nothing to lose at that point. But in your case the girl is living on the street and I don't know how you keep them apart. Will he be involved in an outpatient program? He needs to have a great deal of support when he comes home so that he can break away from her and continue with his recovery. Will he be seeing a therapist? If he will, I would ask his permission to talk with the therapist and explain your concerns so the therapist can help him in this area. You need to be very clear what your expectations are and what you will and will not accept and you have done that with the rules you set. Communicate that rules to him in from of his counselor at the rehab so that any problems or confusion can be addressed. You may have to be prepared to askk him to leave your home if the relationship continues and he relapses. I had a lot of anger towards difficult child's ex-boyfriend for his interference in her recovery. To this day I am angry at him but fortunately he is now out of the picture. At some point your son has to be strong enough to turn away from destructive relationships himself but he is not there yet. Good luck, keep posting because the re-entry from rehab can be a rought one. Stay focused. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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