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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 432252" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It cannot be easy. PLEASE do not EVER question yourself when you feel strongly that something of a sexual nature is inappropriate. It if makes you feel uncomfortable in any way then it is VERY serious. This is triple true when it is your child. You have been dealing iwth this for a long time, and it doesn't seem like the psychiatrist is taking it as seriously as he needs to. Most women get many messages that if they feel uncomfortable with what someone says or does of a sexual nature that they are being too sensitive. Sadly we got this when we were very young, and it has stuck. We had to hug the relative that we didn't want to, to be "polite", we had to let them kiss us even if our instincts were screaming NO NO NO - or we were "bad" and we embarrassed our parents. Then we heard all about the various sexual assault cases where the victim was blamed. This is how our generation and past generations were socialized. I had a very rare mother who refused to make us kiss or hug any relative - and boy did she get grief for it. She has this "So what?" look that is perfect for the situation, but I still heard muttering about it at family gatherings if we had refused to hug or kiss someone. So doubting your feelings is natural, given what you were taught. But this is a major issue that you MUST trust your instincts on. Otherwise both you a dn difficult child are going to wind up in some really tough situations.</p><p></p><p>Becoming a sexual predator is NOT overnight. It happens in steps, like rungs on a ladder. First rung is usually words. Talk about sex to make others uncomfortable or to get them to do something. My bro used this to control me - would say things about me if I didn't do what he wanted. Then touching inappropriately over clothes is usually next. it goes on from there. SOme tdocs put this inappropriate touching on a higher rung, though I don't know that it matters.</p><p></p><p>One of the things you MUST work on is helping him see how this hurts others and that you know iti s NOT an accident. Even if it IS an accident there needs to be some consequence. You may even want to see if they have a group for young men/teens at the domestic violence center to help him learn about this. Wiz had to be part of a sexual offenders group when he was in the 4 month psychiatric hospital because the things he was saying to Jessie. He was on the first rung of that ladder and jumped off wehn he realized how it hurt people forever. Of course that only came about after the hurt came home to him because another group member didn't like what he said about J 'asking for it" and punched him in the mouth - and then I refused to press charges and asked if I could send a gift basket to the boy. I was joking about the basket, but only partly. It really turned difficult child's thinking around when he saw how uncool other males thought it was.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE do not doubt those feelings that scream it is wrong wrong wrong when he touches you and husband that way. It is something he may end up in jail for - mroe and more places are trying juveniles as adults for sexual offenses - and some even put them in adult jails instead of juvenile facilities. A facility for sexual offenders is NOT a place you want your son. He also needs to know, in NO uncertain terms, that "just touching" the way he is with you can land him in a place like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 432252, member: 1233"] I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It cannot be easy. PLEASE do not EVER question yourself when you feel strongly that something of a sexual nature is inappropriate. It if makes you feel uncomfortable in any way then it is VERY serious. This is triple true when it is your child. You have been dealing iwth this for a long time, and it doesn't seem like the psychiatrist is taking it as seriously as he needs to. Most women get many messages that if they feel uncomfortable with what someone says or does of a sexual nature that they are being too sensitive. Sadly we got this when we were very young, and it has stuck. We had to hug the relative that we didn't want to, to be "polite", we had to let them kiss us even if our instincts were screaming NO NO NO - or we were "bad" and we embarrassed our parents. Then we heard all about the various sexual assault cases where the victim was blamed. This is how our generation and past generations were socialized. I had a very rare mother who refused to make us kiss or hug any relative - and boy did she get grief for it. She has this "So what?" look that is perfect for the situation, but I still heard muttering about it at family gatherings if we had refused to hug or kiss someone. So doubting your feelings is natural, given what you were taught. But this is a major issue that you MUST trust your instincts on. Otherwise both you a dn difficult child are going to wind up in some really tough situations. Becoming a sexual predator is NOT overnight. It happens in steps, like rungs on a ladder. First rung is usually words. Talk about sex to make others uncomfortable or to get them to do something. My bro used this to control me - would say things about me if I didn't do what he wanted. Then touching inappropriately over clothes is usually next. it goes on from there. SOme tdocs put this inappropriate touching on a higher rung, though I don't know that it matters. One of the things you MUST work on is helping him see how this hurts others and that you know iti s NOT an accident. Even if it IS an accident there needs to be some consequence. You may even want to see if they have a group for young men/teens at the domestic violence center to help him learn about this. Wiz had to be part of a sexual offenders group when he was in the 4 month psychiatric hospital because the things he was saying to Jessie. He was on the first rung of that ladder and jumped off wehn he realized how it hurt people forever. Of course that only came about after the hurt came home to him because another group member didn't like what he said about J 'asking for it" and punched him in the mouth - and then I refused to press charges and asked if I could send a gift basket to the boy. I was joking about the basket, but only partly. It really turned difficult child's thinking around when he saw how uncool other males thought it was. PLEASE do not doubt those feelings that scream it is wrong wrong wrong when he touches you and husband that way. It is something he may end up in jail for - mroe and more places are trying juveniles as adults for sexual offenses - and some even put them in adult jails instead of juvenile facilities. A facility for sexual offenders is NOT a place you want your son. He also needs to know, in NO uncertain terms, that "just touching" the way he is with you can land him in a place like that. [/QUOTE]
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