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It's a hard one Fran.  When difficult child was using I knew all the horrible things that could happen.  I pestered him to quit--it did no good.  I begged him to take care of himself---did no good.  I made myself unhealthy trying to get him healthy---and it did no good!  If he had died doing what he was doing that what I was doing would have done no good.  One the other hand, could I had lived with myself if I had done nothing!