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General Parenting
How did it all go so wrong...again
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 489878" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Thanks as usual you guys. I do feel sad and frustrated that I can't fix this as easily as I have in the past. But I do not feel even a little bit defeated or not healthy. Up until that point, even with is typical Q behavior, I loved going out with my niece (and spoiling her a little) making the cookies, taking pics of Q and the kids (we compare them each christmas, put them all on the fridge every Xmas as a decoration) etc. We have a very routine schedule for xmas. Any added things, like movies or concerts we dont do.... Q asks about cookies all year....and we do it at the same house each year. He sticks it out longer than any of them because he really does well with it. Until this year, it has been such a positive.... but as you all pointed out, it is a huge time of change, and given what he has been thru I not only need to make accomodations, but maybe need to realize that he DID make it thru the entire thing with only that one issue and while really ugly it was not aggressive in any way (except my dropping about 7 cookies). </p><p></p><p></p><p>Our other tradition, we have christmas eve at my dad's house....then our home for xmas morning...then we go have lunch at sisters. Each of those houses there are presents and he knows it. He would likely scream in total upset for hours and hours if I did not go. But believe me, I have considered it. Maybe I just have to tell everyone to just accept that he is going to swear. The part of this that was so hard for me was feeling like I had to stop it all to make the others not have to hear it, but even the little girls have heard swearing and it is not like they are going to think...if he can do it so can I.....</p><p></p><p>If no one would tell him to stop it etc. it would likely be far less stressful. They just hate hearing him talk to me like that, the boys especially tell him to stop it. Of course that just escalates him. They hold off for a long time but then finally stick up for me. I feel terrible then. They think when I am silent and just getting my stuff to go that it means I am not doing anything, but of course I know better than to try to interrupt the storm....just have to ride it out and deal with it afterwards...when Iget him alone I can do the things I know will help interrupt it and calm him. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I wonder... I know this probably can't happen...what if he was in an environment where we just said, go ahead, you can swear all you need to. Would that reduce his anxiety so much and after the novelty of it wore off...would he just not do it as much. I am sure I can't risk it but would be interesting. </p><p></p><p>He was so awesome tonight... just totally normal Q. Came to me to get his medications... put himself to bed early, etc. Didn't argue about the pie or any waiting to show he could use nice words, etc. He accepted it not in a pouty way, just did. That makes me think more and more that it is just so out of control, a tic tha tcomes and ends. He was not in a bad place and fully went back to himself after. Those high stress moments like transitions and especially when food/hunger is part of it (I told you guys about school saying he wont stop talking about food related subjects...including nonsense...can I walk to a X restaurant in California??? etc.) </p><p></p><p>ugg is right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 489878, member: 12886"] Thanks as usual you guys. I do feel sad and frustrated that I can't fix this as easily as I have in the past. But I do not feel even a little bit defeated or not healthy. Up until that point, even with is typical Q behavior, I loved going out with my niece (and spoiling her a little) making the cookies, taking pics of Q and the kids (we compare them each christmas, put them all on the fridge every Xmas as a decoration) etc. We have a very routine schedule for xmas. Any added things, like movies or concerts we dont do.... Q asks about cookies all year....and we do it at the same house each year. He sticks it out longer than any of them because he really does well with it. Until this year, it has been such a positive.... but as you all pointed out, it is a huge time of change, and given what he has been thru I not only need to make accomodations, but maybe need to realize that he DID make it thru the entire thing with only that one issue and while really ugly it was not aggressive in any way (except my dropping about 7 cookies). Our other tradition, we have christmas eve at my dad's house....then our home for xmas morning...then we go have lunch at sisters. Each of those houses there are presents and he knows it. He would likely scream in total upset for hours and hours if I did not go. But believe me, I have considered it. Maybe I just have to tell everyone to just accept that he is going to swear. The part of this that was so hard for me was feeling like I had to stop it all to make the others not have to hear it, but even the little girls have heard swearing and it is not like they are going to think...if he can do it so can I..... If no one would tell him to stop it etc. it would likely be far less stressful. They just hate hearing him talk to me like that, the boys especially tell him to stop it. Of course that just escalates him. They hold off for a long time but then finally stick up for me. I feel terrible then. They think when I am silent and just getting my stuff to go that it means I am not doing anything, but of course I know better than to try to interrupt the storm....just have to ride it out and deal with it afterwards...when Iget him alone I can do the things I know will help interrupt it and calm him. Sometimes I wonder... I know this probably can't happen...what if he was in an environment where we just said, go ahead, you can swear all you need to. Would that reduce his anxiety so much and after the novelty of it wore off...would he just not do it as much. I am sure I can't risk it but would be interesting. He was so awesome tonight... just totally normal Q. Came to me to get his medications... put himself to bed early, etc. Didn't argue about the pie or any waiting to show he could use nice words, etc. He accepted it not in a pouty way, just did. That makes me think more and more that it is just so out of control, a tic tha tcomes and ends. He was not in a bad place and fully went back to himself after. Those high stress moments like transitions and especially when food/hunger is part of it (I told you guys about school saying he wont stop talking about food related subjects...including nonsense...can I walk to a X restaurant in California??? etc.) ugg is right. [/QUOTE]
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