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General Parenting
How did it all go so wrong...again
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 490048" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Buddy ,</p><p>Not easy , but I am glad , he has managed to get back on track. The question is whether we can gather info about his concerns and then problem solve. In the moment is so hard. I think we need to to do something counter intuitive and slow things down without being controlling.</p><p></p><p>His concerns - do you have any ideas - tentative hypothesis - maybe when he does the cooking, decorating he feels that they rightfully belong to him , the pie - he had his eyes on it and wanted it for himself or decided how he was going to eat it all by himself. What does he say ? Does he have a problem with sharing his things ?</p><p></p><p>Your concerns - you want to him to enjoy the cookies and pie and also the other guests etc</p><p>define the problem - how can we make sure that he enjoys and we can still offer the guests</p><p></p><p>Using hindsight what would you have done differently in the heat of the moment.</p><p></p><p>maybe avoid confrontation - go along with him - he grabs the pie - Ok kid hold onto the pie , lets relax for a few minutes , I see you really want the pie , I am not telling you to put the pie down , I am not going to force you to do anything , I just want to hear why you want the pie so much - when we hear his concerns , he is more likely to hear our concerns - and snap out of his mission mode. etc</p><p></p><p>I understand where you were coming from in the car - but you were trying to be tough and punish him and making him stay in the car . He made a gesture by being willing to go back and give her the pie. You could have said it was very kind of me and very moral to regret what he did and try to make amends , instead he had to stay in the car</p><p></p><p>If you believe in the mantra - children do well if they can and not if they want to , it gives us the power to slow down and work with the kid , even in difficult situations when they have grabbed something not theirs</p><p></p><p>These experiences are windows for learning</p><p></p><p>Allan</p><p></p><p>Parenting is Learning</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 490048, member: 10"] Buddy , Not easy , but I am glad , he has managed to get back on track. The question is whether we can gather info about his concerns and then problem solve. In the moment is so hard. I think we need to to do something counter intuitive and slow things down without being controlling. His concerns - do you have any ideas - tentative hypothesis - maybe when he does the cooking, decorating he feels that they rightfully belong to him , the pie - he had his eyes on it and wanted it for himself or decided how he was going to eat it all by himself. What does he say ? Does he have a problem with sharing his things ? Your concerns - you want to him to enjoy the cookies and pie and also the other guests etc define the problem - how can we make sure that he enjoys and we can still offer the guests Using hindsight what would you have done differently in the heat of the moment. maybe avoid confrontation - go along with him - he grabs the pie - Ok kid hold onto the pie , lets relax for a few minutes , I see you really want the pie , I am not telling you to put the pie down , I am not going to force you to do anything , I just want to hear why you want the pie so much - when we hear his concerns , he is more likely to hear our concerns - and snap out of his mission mode. etc I understand where you were coming from in the car - but you were trying to be tough and punish him and making him stay in the car . He made a gesture by being willing to go back and give her the pie. You could have said it was very kind of me and very moral to regret what he did and try to make amends , instead he had to stay in the car If you believe in the mantra - children do well if they can and not if they want to , it gives us the power to slow down and work with the kid , even in difficult situations when they have grabbed something not theirs These experiences are windows for learning Allan Parenting is Learning [/QUOTE]
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