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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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<blockquote data-quote="allhaileris" data-source="post: 543331" data-attributes="member: 5663"><p>I think my husband is an Aspie, and he was at his best in the military because of the constant routine and clear knowledge of what's expected of him. He's highly unorganized and will sit and play video games or look at stupid stuff on the computer without any kind of schedule. He's a SAHD, so like during school days when there is nothing else going on. He'd never think "oh, I know she wanted the house cleaned for next weekend's party, I'll do this today, and that tomorrow, and this other thing the next day" (it's my daughters birthday in less than a week, he needs to clean the kiddie pool, the backyard, etc, not complex stuff but I will have to beg him to get it done, and he'll end up doing it Saturday morning, totally p*ssing me off). He recently got a paper organizer, he never used the one on his phone, and this way he can look back at his past notes and write them down again and actually get things done. Sometimes I feel like I need to schedule a grid for the week of what he needs to do. I can beg and beg for him to do things to help me, and he just puts it off, procrastinator of the year. When I get mad because he didn't do them, he says sorry, but that doesn't fix anything. I just wish he'd make some money so we can hire a maid!</p><p></p><p>I don't ever use food as a punishment, ever. husband does it and I get mad at him about it. My daughter is skinny and needs every calorie she can get. But I will use what she views as rewards or things she really wants as a barter. She's not aspie, just High-Functioning Autism (HFA), but is very literal. I was able to use this kind of thing yesterday. She lost my grandma's bracelet when she was playing dress up. I was super calm about it, knowing it was in the backyard somewhere. I wouldn't have pulled this if it was lost on the street. I told her no birthday presents unless she found it. I could have followed through too, as I haven't gone shopping for her and she knew that. The party could have been it, or maybe just socks and undies as presents, I was serious as it was something special to me. I repeated myself when I got home about her finding it, went out and helped her focus on where to look, and she found it. I do the same thing about going to the store, she loves to go shopping and run errands with me (just to spend any time with her and me) and that's one of the few ways to get her butt into gear. </p><p></p><p>So if your stepson has a favorite, I would 1. learn more about it so you CAN talk to him. Aspies are sometimes big talkers, if you get them on "their" subject and 2. use that as punishment or reward. For example, if he likes baseball, tell him you'll take him to a game if he goes to school for an entire month without any ditching (not including real sickness). Make the time period smaller if that's what it takes to reach the goal. Get him to reach it so he'll feel good, and then make the goal bigger. But if he's on a baseball team, don't take that away because it's one way to let him have some catharsis and hang out with peers in an organized and routined setting.</p><p></p><p>And hide or take with you the PS3 controllers. It's something he likes that he doesn't need, so use that to your advantage. </p><p></p><p>And if he's having rages, he needs further help (unless your girlfriend already has him on something). What kind of place did he go to for a week and what did they put him on when he left?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="allhaileris, post: 543331, member: 5663"] I think my husband is an Aspie, and he was at his best in the military because of the constant routine and clear knowledge of what's expected of him. He's highly unorganized and will sit and play video games or look at stupid stuff on the computer without any kind of schedule. He's a SAHD, so like during school days when there is nothing else going on. He'd never think "oh, I know she wanted the house cleaned for next weekend's party, I'll do this today, and that tomorrow, and this other thing the next day" (it's my daughters birthday in less than a week, he needs to clean the kiddie pool, the backyard, etc, not complex stuff but I will have to beg him to get it done, and he'll end up doing it Saturday morning, totally p*ssing me off). He recently got a paper organizer, he never used the one on his phone, and this way he can look back at his past notes and write them down again and actually get things done. Sometimes I feel like I need to schedule a grid for the week of what he needs to do. I can beg and beg for him to do things to help me, and he just puts it off, procrastinator of the year. When I get mad because he didn't do them, he says sorry, but that doesn't fix anything. I just wish he'd make some money so we can hire a maid! I don't ever use food as a punishment, ever. husband does it and I get mad at him about it. My daughter is skinny and needs every calorie she can get. But I will use what she views as rewards or things she really wants as a barter. She's not aspie, just High-Functioning Autism (HFA), but is very literal. I was able to use this kind of thing yesterday. She lost my grandma's bracelet when she was playing dress up. I was super calm about it, knowing it was in the backyard somewhere. I wouldn't have pulled this if it was lost on the street. I told her no birthday presents unless she found it. I could have followed through too, as I haven't gone shopping for her and she knew that. The party could have been it, or maybe just socks and undies as presents, I was serious as it was something special to me. I repeated myself when I got home about her finding it, went out and helped her focus on where to look, and she found it. I do the same thing about going to the store, she loves to go shopping and run errands with me (just to spend any time with her and me) and that's one of the few ways to get her butt into gear. So if your stepson has a favorite, I would 1. learn more about it so you CAN talk to him. Aspies are sometimes big talkers, if you get them on "their" subject and 2. use that as punishment or reward. For example, if he likes baseball, tell him you'll take him to a game if he goes to school for an entire month without any ditching (not including real sickness). Make the time period smaller if that's what it takes to reach the goal. Get him to reach it so he'll feel good, and then make the goal bigger. But if he's on a baseball team, don't take that away because it's one way to let him have some catharsis and hang out with peers in an organized and routined setting. And hide or take with you the PS3 controllers. It's something he likes that he doesn't need, so use that to your advantage. And if he's having rages, he needs further help (unless your girlfriend already has him on something). What kind of place did he go to for a week and what did they put him on when he left? [/QUOTE]
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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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