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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 543345" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm surprised he's not in special services from school or the community. From your description of him, like many aspies, he may never be able to be 100% independent and will one day need assisted living. My son has had services since before age three and is nineteen now. He isn't independent and will need some assisted living, but he is well behaved and likes to do chores, especially for some sort of reward. I have no idea why this child never got any help, but that won't help him in his life. He needed it before and he needs it now. And he needs it from professionals. In the meantime, I suggest reading about Aspergers. You don't seem to really understand how Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) people think (not that they all think alike, but you seem to expect him to act like a typical teenager and that isn't going to happen).</p><p></p><p>There is no way for you to apply the parenting methods you knew or are familiar with to a child who has such different wiring as an Aspie. It won't work. In fact, since you are just the boyfriend (no offense) in my opinion you shouldn't be parenting him at all...you are not related to him.</p><p></p><p>I think both you and your girlfriend could use counseling to learn how to parent an Aspie (you'll be parenting him longer than you'd parent a typical kid because they mature much later and often never 100%.) He will be a part of your life as long as you are with girlfriend and probably a big part. If you expect him to want to go off on his own and get a job at eighteen, you probably need a different romantic relationship situation. He will probably need help finding a specialized job (maybe with a job coach) and not full time. If he can't or won't take care of his needs, or can not find a decent paying full time job (many Aspies need job help, as stated above) he will need some sort of assisted living. Aspies tend to be very naive and need looking after or others can take serious advantage of them. It does not sound as if he is especially high functioning and it does sound like somebody dropped the ball in his early years so he is way behind his typical peers and other Aspies who got services.</p><p></p><p>It is EXTREMELY common for Aspies to have very limited interests and videogames and Netflix are totally typical obsessioins. Aspies have very limited imaginations which makes it hard for them to amuse themselves so videogames and movies help them have something to do. We force son to play sports (he actually likes them), and he is active in other activities for young adults with special needs (and he enjoys them). So he is out some of the time, but, really, his favorite thing to do is play videogames. Most boys like videogames, but Aspies tend to be obsessed with them (and often movies). And I find that forcing him not to play doesn't stop him from thinking about game strategy 24/7 nor does it get him to develop new interests. We let him play videogames and don't monitor him, however, at his age, he also goes to a special work place six hours a day and, of course, baseball practice. So he's pretty busy and your Aspie can be too, if Mom steps up to the plate. It's really up to her if she wants him to be a productive person or just a disabled adult who has no life at all. These kids can't take the lead on their own.</p><p></p><p>I think this kid should be in school with an IEP, but, hey, that's me. There must be some alternative school that would take him...one with small classes.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 543345, member: 1550"] I'm surprised he's not in special services from school or the community. From your description of him, like many aspies, he may never be able to be 100% independent and will one day need assisted living. My son has had services since before age three and is nineteen now. He isn't independent and will need some assisted living, but he is well behaved and likes to do chores, especially for some sort of reward. I have no idea why this child never got any help, but that won't help him in his life. He needed it before and he needs it now. And he needs it from professionals. In the meantime, I suggest reading about Aspergers. You don't seem to really understand how Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) people think (not that they all think alike, but you seem to expect him to act like a typical teenager and that isn't going to happen). There is no way for you to apply the parenting methods you knew or are familiar with to a child who has such different wiring as an Aspie. It won't work. In fact, since you are just the boyfriend (no offense) in my opinion you shouldn't be parenting him at all...you are not related to him. I think both you and your girlfriend could use counseling to learn how to parent an Aspie (you'll be parenting him longer than you'd parent a typical kid because they mature much later and often never 100%.) He will be a part of your life as long as you are with girlfriend and probably a big part. If you expect him to want to go off on his own and get a job at eighteen, you probably need a different romantic relationship situation. He will probably need help finding a specialized job (maybe with a job coach) and not full time. If he can't or won't take care of his needs, or can not find a decent paying full time job (many Aspies need job help, as stated above) he will need some sort of assisted living. Aspies tend to be very naive and need looking after or others can take serious advantage of them. It does not sound as if he is especially high functioning and it does sound like somebody dropped the ball in his early years so he is way behind his typical peers and other Aspies who got services. It is EXTREMELY common for Aspies to have very limited interests and videogames and Netflix are totally typical obsessioins. Aspies have very limited imaginations which makes it hard for them to amuse themselves so videogames and movies help them have something to do. We force son to play sports (he actually likes them), and he is active in other activities for young adults with special needs (and he enjoys them). So he is out some of the time, but, really, his favorite thing to do is play videogames. Most boys like videogames, but Aspies tend to be obsessed with them (and often movies). And I find that forcing him not to play doesn't stop him from thinking about game strategy 24/7 nor does it get him to develop new interests. We let him play videogames and don't monitor him, however, at his age, he also goes to a special work place six hours a day and, of course, baseball practice. So he's pretty busy and your Aspie can be too, if Mom steps up to the plate. It's really up to her if she wants him to be a productive person or just a disabled adult who has no life at all. These kids can't take the lead on their own. I think this kid should be in school with an IEP, but, hey, that's me. There must be some alternative school that would take him...one with small classes. Good luck, whatever you decide to do! [/QUOTE]
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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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