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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 543383" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Every person on the autism spectrum is quite different (Asperger's is on the autism spectrum, sorry if that is obvious but wanted to make sure I wasn't assuming something you might not know) so, we can give ideas, but please know that you need to learn about him, and while he has to learn the world does not revolve around him, in a way it does. He literally can't change how he thinks but can learn skills to do better and to learn ways to cope and get things done.</p><p></p><p>I'd encourage you to look and see if there is an autism society in your area or even anywhere within an hour of you. There are often introduction to autism classes which can really help you understand that to many people with autism, it is difficult to understand other people's perspectives, they dont infer meanings well, thinking is very rigid/black and white, and they do really well with structure and routine. Setting that up takes patience and kindness even when they are upset with the change. CHANGE is very very hard for many people with autism. So, for my family, I count on the first time or the first few times we do something to be awful but after that it becomes comforting and he is upset if the routine changes. I stick to the routine as much as possible even if it means that someone in my family or some activity I want to do is inconvenienced. </p><p></p><p>Try very hard not to take things personally. Remember, even in families with "step" parents when there are no disabilities, the biological parent needs to take the lead in discipline. It is very helpful to have an autism professional to help with these issues because typical psychologists do not understand how to work with autism. The skills they learn have to be directly taught (that is, they may not get it thru trial and error, or thru watching what others around them do....that includes social niceties). There are tools to help, and for many people visuals like "social stories" that explain what needs to happen really help. </p><p></p><p>While some here have success using the high interests to motivate or reward, for me and for many kids the high interest things or things they really LOVE are way too powerful to use as a motivator or threat. If I told my son that he can't watch NASCAR unless he does X that would not go over at all. As may have said, it is better to just set up a routine, preferably even have it in writing and do it together. </p><p></p><p>He is at an age when transition is important and there are programs that can help teach independent living skills. Does he have an IEP in school? If going to school is an issue, the entire program is needing to be analyzed. He likely needs home services and the county may be able to help if he has a diagnosis. There are often services through counties to help find programs for people with these kinds of disabilities. Might be worth checking out. This is not a mental illness, so sometimes the mental health profession can make things more difficult because the strategies are quite different if Asperger's is not part of the picture. But if he has issues (which are often symptoms of Asperger's or sometimes additional diagnoses...either way they need to be addressed) like anxiety or depression or other behavior disorders, then he may need medications and additional therapies. But the Autism/Asperger's is always under it all and needs to be considered when any type of therapy or behavior plan is developed. </p><p></p><p>My best to you, it is a huge undertaking and you are to be credited for wanting to learn more so you can truly be a support to both his mom and him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 543383, member: 12886"] Every person on the autism spectrum is quite different (Asperger's is on the autism spectrum, sorry if that is obvious but wanted to make sure I wasn't assuming something you might not know) so, we can give ideas, but please know that you need to learn about him, and while he has to learn the world does not revolve around him, in a way it does. He literally can't change how he thinks but can learn skills to do better and to learn ways to cope and get things done. I'd encourage you to look and see if there is an autism society in your area or even anywhere within an hour of you. There are often introduction to autism classes which can really help you understand that to many people with autism, it is difficult to understand other people's perspectives, they dont infer meanings well, thinking is very rigid/black and white, and they do really well with structure and routine. Setting that up takes patience and kindness even when they are upset with the change. CHANGE is very very hard for many people with autism. So, for my family, I count on the first time or the first few times we do something to be awful but after that it becomes comforting and he is upset if the routine changes. I stick to the routine as much as possible even if it means that someone in my family or some activity I want to do is inconvenienced. Try very hard not to take things personally. Remember, even in families with "step" parents when there are no disabilities, the biological parent needs to take the lead in discipline. It is very helpful to have an autism professional to help with these issues because typical psychologists do not understand how to work with autism. The skills they learn have to be directly taught (that is, they may not get it thru trial and error, or thru watching what others around them do....that includes social niceties). There are tools to help, and for many people visuals like "social stories" that explain what needs to happen really help. While some here have success using the high interests to motivate or reward, for me and for many kids the high interest things or things they really LOVE are way too powerful to use as a motivator or threat. If I told my son that he can't watch NASCAR unless he does X that would not go over at all. As may have said, it is better to just set up a routine, preferably even have it in writing and do it together. He is at an age when transition is important and there are programs that can help teach independent living skills. Does he have an IEP in school? If going to school is an issue, the entire program is needing to be analyzed. He likely needs home services and the county may be able to help if he has a diagnosis. There are often services through counties to help find programs for people with these kinds of disabilities. Might be worth checking out. This is not a mental illness, so sometimes the mental health profession can make things more difficult because the strategies are quite different if Asperger's is not part of the picture. But if he has issues (which are often symptoms of Asperger's or sometimes additional diagnoses...either way they need to be addressed) like anxiety or depression or other behavior disorders, then he may need medications and additional therapies. But the Autism/Asperger's is always under it all and needs to be considered when any type of therapy or behavior plan is developed. My best to you, it is a huge undertaking and you are to be credited for wanting to learn more so you can truly be a support to both his mom and him. [/QUOTE]
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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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