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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterby" data-source="post: 543408" data-attributes="member: 7083"><p>I couldn't follow your logic with the steaks, so there's no way a kid with Asperger's could. </p><p></p><p>Your girlfriend's son is 15 years old chronologically, but not emotionally. I'm not telling you to treat him like a 4 year old, but think about how you would explain something to a 4 year old and go from there. (I always think of the line from the movie <em>Philadelphia</em> with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington, where Denzel would say, "Explain it to me like I'm a 4 year old."). There was a point in time when if I told my daughter to empty or unload the dishwasher, she would and I'd find all of the clean dishes stacked on the counter. My fault because I didn't tell her to put them away in their correct spots. </p><p></p><p>An example of a logical consequence: If clothes weren't in hampers, they didn't get washed. I wasn't going to go digging around for dirty clothes. 15 minutes before I started laundry, I let my kids know (my NT and my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid both) that I was going to do laundry and to make sure their dirty clothes were in the hamper. If they weren't, they didn't get washed until the next time I did laundry. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is 17. There are still times that I have to help her clean her room, although I no longer do any of the physical work. I sit in her room and tell her to do this. After she's completed that task, I tell her what to do next. And how literal these kids are cannot be emphasized enough. I get caught all of the time using expressions like, "We'll just play it by ear," only to have that lead to a 30 minute discussion on what that really means, and most of the time I'm left realizing how silly our expressions really do sound. </p><p></p><p>These kids generally like structure, which is hard for me because I am not a structured person. But they like to know that at this time that happens, etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterby, post: 543408, member: 7083"] I couldn't follow your logic with the steaks, so there's no way a kid with Asperger's could. Your girlfriend's son is 15 years old chronologically, but not emotionally. I'm not telling you to treat him like a 4 year old, but think about how you would explain something to a 4 year old and go from there. (I always think of the line from the movie [I]Philadelphia[/I] with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington, where Denzel would say, "Explain it to me like I'm a 4 year old."). There was a point in time when if I told my daughter to empty or unload the dishwasher, she would and I'd find all of the clean dishes stacked on the counter. My fault because I didn't tell her to put them away in their correct spots. An example of a logical consequence: If clothes weren't in hampers, they didn't get washed. I wasn't going to go digging around for dirty clothes. 15 minutes before I started laundry, I let my kids know (my NT and my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid both) that I was going to do laundry and to make sure their dirty clothes were in the hamper. If they weren't, they didn't get washed until the next time I did laundry. My daughter is 17. There are still times that I have to help her clean her room, although I no longer do any of the physical work. I sit in her room and tell her to do this. After she's completed that task, I tell her what to do next. And how literal these kids are cannot be emphasized enough. I get caught all of the time using expressions like, "We'll just play it by ear," only to have that lead to a 30 minute discussion on what that really means, and most of the time I'm left realizing how silly our expressions really do sound. These kids generally like structure, which is hard for me because I am not a structured person. But they like to know that at this time that happens, etc. [/QUOTE]
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How do I deal with my girlfriends 15 year old son with Asbergers?
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