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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 716891" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Albie and RE you are so sweet. The truth is, I post to fortify myself too, because this is an ongoing battle to <em>take back my life.</em></p><p>Acacia, I ask myself that question over and again "How do I do this"?</p><p>Sometimes I feel strong and resolute, other times I am questioning myself and each step I take. It is an enormous amount of energy focused on living despite what is happening with my two and especially my grandchildren.</p><p>They do not deserve to be in this situation, none of us do.</p><p>Sometimes the black ominous cloud of it all looms over me and I just have to have a good cry.</p><p>That's okay.</p><p>Other times I find myself slipping back to old ways of thinking and I have to stop and get a hold of myself.</p><p>Many times I get really fed up and just plain angry. Keep waiting for rock bottom, an epiphany, praying for a pivot point.</p><p>My two have gone <em>way beyond rock bottom</em> in my book, still the same ole, same ole.</p><p>We can't keep putting our own lives on hold, waiting for these adult kids to grow up, to get help, to make better choices.</p><p> That is two lives utterly wasted.</p><p>I'm 58 years old, looking at the back side of the hill, I have dreams and goals, a bucket list I would like to check off before I meet my maker.</p><p>Most of all, I would just like some moments of peace.</p><p>Try to have a great weekend sister warriors.</p><p>Rise up!</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 716891, member: 19522"] Albie and RE you are so sweet. The truth is, I post to fortify myself too, because this is an ongoing battle to [I]take back my life.[/I] Acacia, I ask myself that question over and again "How do I do this"? Sometimes I feel strong and resolute, other times I am questioning myself and each step I take. It is an enormous amount of energy focused on living despite what is happening with my two and especially my grandchildren. They do not deserve to be in this situation, none of us do. Sometimes the black ominous cloud of it all looms over me and I just have to have a good cry. That's okay. Other times I find myself slipping back to old ways of thinking and I have to stop and get a hold of myself. Many times I get really fed up and just plain angry. Keep waiting for rock bottom, an epiphany, praying for a pivot point. My two have gone [I]way beyond rock bottom[/I] in my book, still the same ole, same ole. We can't keep putting our own lives on hold, waiting for these adult kids to grow up, to get help, to make better choices. That is two lives utterly wasted. I'm 58 years old, looking at the back side of the hill, I have dreams and goals, a bucket list I would like to check off before I meet my maker. Most of all, I would just like some moments of peace. Try to have a great weekend sister warriors. Rise up! (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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