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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 391780" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You need to make time for each of them as individuals, and not have it conditional on good behaviour. If easy child is misbehaving, or if he is being good - go for a walk together, just the two of you. Use the walk to just connect, and discuss whatever topic comes up. These need to be discipline-free zones. Also, ask each boy what they want form you, what they would like to do for this one-on-one time. Even if it is only half an hour a week per child, do it. If you can manage half an hour a day, wonderful. But you have to MAKE the time. However, time spent now doing this, will be a connection made with your child that will last life-long. If you do this, then you will NOT be one of those parents later in life complaining how you never see your kids now they've grown, married and moved away.</p><p></p><p>Invest now, for a family future.</p><p></p><p>As for how to tell him - just tell him. Showing is good - if you could take your easy child to a noisy place, say the mall during Christmas shopping, then give him a sheet of senior high school maths problems to do and stand there while he is doing them saying, "Come on, hurry up! Look at that boy over there, I wonder what that tastes like, who is that woman? Hurry up, haven't you finished yet?"</p><p>Then ask him how it felt to have to try to think, under those conditions. Then tell him that for difficult child, a quiet classroom is as distracting as the mall. Every minute of every day, his total sensory input is almost overwhelming. But he is learning, which shows how hard he is trying. And easy child has the same capacity in him, to achieve what he really sets his mind to. You are proud of them both for being such strong, capable people. </p><p></p><p>Affirm, affirm, encourage, love. Educate. Affirm. And above all, love.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 391780, member: 1991"] You need to make time for each of them as individuals, and not have it conditional on good behaviour. If easy child is misbehaving, or if he is being good - go for a walk together, just the two of you. Use the walk to just connect, and discuss whatever topic comes up. These need to be discipline-free zones. Also, ask each boy what they want form you, what they would like to do for this one-on-one time. Even if it is only half an hour a week per child, do it. If you can manage half an hour a day, wonderful. But you have to MAKE the time. However, time spent now doing this, will be a connection made with your child that will last life-long. If you do this, then you will NOT be one of those parents later in life complaining how you never see your kids now they've grown, married and moved away. Invest now, for a family future. As for how to tell him - just tell him. Showing is good - if you could take your easy child to a noisy place, say the mall during Christmas shopping, then give him a sheet of senior high school maths problems to do and stand there while he is doing them saying, "Come on, hurry up! Look at that boy over there, I wonder what that tastes like, who is that woman? Hurry up, haven't you finished yet?" Then ask him how it felt to have to try to think, under those conditions. Then tell him that for difficult child, a quiet classroom is as distracting as the mall. Every minute of every day, his total sensory input is almost overwhelming. But he is learning, which shows how hard he is trying. And easy child has the same capacity in him, to achieve what he really sets his mind to. You are proud of them both for being such strong, capable people. Affirm, affirm, encourage, love. Educate. Affirm. And above all, love. Marg [/QUOTE]
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