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How do I let go?
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<blockquote data-quote="Metrim" data-source="post: 751499" data-attributes="member: 24437"><p>I'm new to this forum also. I think I have the same story. My son is 34. He moved out with a girl friend about 7 years ago and then when they broke up about 3 years ago, he has lived from house to house. He never pays rent to whomever lets him stay. I have paid for 3 different cars in the last 7 years for him. He was fired from 6 jobs just this past year. He now has a job he has had for a few months and the co workers seem to really like him. Or at least I hope. I stayed single until 4 years ago because I was raising my boys and wanted to make sure it was "safe" to have a relationship and was waiting until they were all older. I say "safe because I helped my boys a lot and I knew that no man would go for that. The one I am speaking of and need advice for is 34. We will call him JJ for confidentiality purposes. Finally 4 years ago I met the love of my life. He moved in with me because he was only renting. When he moved in my house was a mess, and was falling apart due to my sons not caring for the house and because I was always giving them money instead of fixing things. Now 4 years later the house is beautiful and JJ is trying to move back in because he has out done all of his resources. I told him that I would help him pay for his own place but he says he can not afford it. His car is not doing well. He is a post transplant patient so is on medications. We have a 1200 sq foot house. My 23 year old son lives with us because he is going to college and my young grand daughter from another son. We do not have much room. We have no privacy anymore and now we are spending twice as much on groceries. I want my 34 year old son to learn how to take care of himself and get his own place. I can not have him living with me but it hurts to say no. I need direction. I don't want to loose my husband who is wonderful to me. My son JJ smokes a lot of pot and always has money for pot. If not, then he is out finding it. I know he could take care of himself if he tried. I told him this morning that I am not going to continue to be walked on and he can not stay with us. He sends me a text this morning blaming my husband. I am so tired of this. I love my husband and he is very good to me. He is good to the boys too, but they are all grown. I need some advice please. I live in fear every day that JJ is going to call with something. My car is broke down, I need a new tire, Mom my breaks are out. I dont' have any place to stay. It goes on and on. What to do? I don't know what to do but I do know that I do not want my husband and I to have problems and that my adult son needs to learn how to take care of himself before I die. What scares me the most is that he would be homeless. He has no friends, no more family, no nothing. His brother helped him for about a year and got tired of it and moved away.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Metrim, post: 751499, member: 24437"] I'm new to this forum also. I think I have the same story. My son is 34. He moved out with a girl friend about 7 years ago and then when they broke up about 3 years ago, he has lived from house to house. He never pays rent to whomever lets him stay. I have paid for 3 different cars in the last 7 years for him. He was fired from 6 jobs just this past year. He now has a job he has had for a few months and the co workers seem to really like him. Or at least I hope. I stayed single until 4 years ago because I was raising my boys and wanted to make sure it was "safe" to have a relationship and was waiting until they were all older. I say "safe because I helped my boys a lot and I knew that no man would go for that. The one I am speaking of and need advice for is 34. We will call him JJ for confidentiality purposes. Finally 4 years ago I met the love of my life. He moved in with me because he was only renting. When he moved in my house was a mess, and was falling apart due to my sons not caring for the house and because I was always giving them money instead of fixing things. Now 4 years later the house is beautiful and JJ is trying to move back in because he has out done all of his resources. I told him that I would help him pay for his own place but he says he can not afford it. His car is not doing well. He is a post transplant patient so is on medications. We have a 1200 sq foot house. My 23 year old son lives with us because he is going to college and my young grand daughter from another son. We do not have much room. We have no privacy anymore and now we are spending twice as much on groceries. I want my 34 year old son to learn how to take care of himself and get his own place. I can not have him living with me but it hurts to say no. I need direction. I don't want to loose my husband who is wonderful to me. My son JJ smokes a lot of pot and always has money for pot. If not, then he is out finding it. I know he could take care of himself if he tried. I told him this morning that I am not going to continue to be walked on and he can not stay with us. He sends me a text this morning blaming my husband. I am so tired of this. I love my husband and he is very good to me. He is good to the boys too, but they are all grown. I need some advice please. I live in fear every day that JJ is going to call with something. My car is broke down, I need a new tire, Mom my breaks are out. I dont' have any place to stay. It goes on and on. What to do? I don't know what to do but I do know that I do not want my husband and I to have problems and that my adult son needs to learn how to take care of himself before I die. What scares me the most is that he would be homeless. He has no friends, no more family, no nothing. His brother helped him for about a year and got tired of it and moved away. [/QUOTE]
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