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How do I prevent this from continuing? lots of questions
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 438055" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>He sounds like the poster child for "TV is making our kids violent" It does still sound like an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) issue. I do think it's the anxiety squeaking in as well, but can't specifically identify how. I find it interesting that he started calming down, but then kicked the 17 y/o again. Like he was blaming her for having the "offensive" show on.</p><p></p><p><strong>Prevention</strong> - Don't let him watch adult TV. Don't let him be hearing it in the background. You and he were having a conversation, but enough got by him to make him react - next time have that talk in another room.</p><p></p><p><strong>Clean up</strong> - Once he is calm, go through the customary apologies and talk about NOT HITTING. In our house, son learned to say "sorry" at an early age, but other emotional words - love, friendship, etc - while they were part of our home vocabulary, they hadn't gotten ingrained. At about 8 , son came up for "codewords" for these things, so instead of saying Mom I love you, he'd say Mom, minnicon! So if your son find saying sorry to be a more difficult task than making Hades freeze over, I think it's OK to have a "codeword" for it, but work on him learning "sorry" because the outside world will not accept anything less. </p><p></p><p><strong>If it happens again</strong> - remove as many stimuli as you can - turn off TV, radio, hair dryer, get him alone, and if you can't move him have everyone else leave (whole family should know the plan ahead of time) Find things he can do to get out physical aggression - rip papers, go outside and pull grass, punch a blow up clown (the things that look like giant bowling pins but are blow ups, and they have sand or clay in the bottom so they act like weebles) It has to be something benign, but at the same time something that makes him feel like he's being destructive (can transition to things like exercise and yard work when he gets older, but yes, suggest those to him) You can steer him to this *activity* any time he gets frustrated and angry. Son only had serious frustrations at school, and they steered him to rip paper (teachers brought in their old newspapers), and going for a walk outside where he would walk, and then yank some grass if the walk wasn't enough. Also find things that do calm him and offer those up as well.</p><p></p><p>When you talk to him, ask lots of WHY questions, and also How were you feeling and What were you thinking before during and after the meltdown was going on. At 7 he may not be able to identify or verbalize anything, but if you keep asking the questions, he'll start to think that you expect him to know these things, and in the future, he might just start asking these questions of himself, and might come up with answers. Aspies are quite smart, and in tune with themselves - they can't always express it and if they do it doesn't always make sense to us, but then we have another piece of the puzzle we can try to put together. Unfortunately, with a 7 y/o Aspie "I don't know" will have to be an acceptable answer, but assure him that with his help you want to find out to help him not do it again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 438055, member: 11965"] He sounds like the poster child for "TV is making our kids violent" It does still sound like an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) issue. I do think it's the anxiety squeaking in as well, but can't specifically identify how. I find it interesting that he started calming down, but then kicked the 17 y/o again. Like he was blaming her for having the "offensive" show on. [B]Prevention[/B] - Don't let him watch adult TV. Don't let him be hearing it in the background. You and he were having a conversation, but enough got by him to make him react - next time have that talk in another room. [B]Clean up[/B] - Once he is calm, go through the customary apologies and talk about NOT HITTING. In our house, son learned to say "sorry" at an early age, but other emotional words - love, friendship, etc - while they were part of our home vocabulary, they hadn't gotten ingrained. At about 8 , son came up for "codewords" for these things, so instead of saying Mom I love you, he'd say Mom, minnicon! So if your son find saying sorry to be a more difficult task than making Hades freeze over, I think it's OK to have a "codeword" for it, but work on him learning "sorry" because the outside world will not accept anything less. [B]If it happens again[/B] - remove as many stimuli as you can - turn off TV, radio, hair dryer, get him alone, and if you can't move him have everyone else leave (whole family should know the plan ahead of time) Find things he can do to get out physical aggression - rip papers, go outside and pull grass, punch a blow up clown (the things that look like giant bowling pins but are blow ups, and they have sand or clay in the bottom so they act like weebles) It has to be something benign, but at the same time something that makes him feel like he's being destructive (can transition to things like exercise and yard work when he gets older, but yes, suggest those to him) You can steer him to this *activity* any time he gets frustrated and angry. Son only had serious frustrations at school, and they steered him to rip paper (teachers brought in their old newspapers), and going for a walk outside where he would walk, and then yank some grass if the walk wasn't enough. Also find things that do calm him and offer those up as well. When you talk to him, ask lots of WHY questions, and also How were you feeling and What were you thinking before during and after the meltdown was going on. At 7 he may not be able to identify or verbalize anything, but if you keep asking the questions, he'll start to think that you expect him to know these things, and in the future, he might just start asking these questions of himself, and might come up with answers. Aspies are quite smart, and in tune with themselves - they can't always express it and if they do it doesn't always make sense to us, but then we have another piece of the puzzle we can try to put together. Unfortunately, with a 7 y/o Aspie "I don't know" will have to be an acceptable answer, but assure him that with his help you want to find out to help him not do it again. [/QUOTE]
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