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Substance Abuse
How do you avoid questions about Difficult Child?
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 697244" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Collean. We all need to jump off the shame train, don't we? </p><p>We were with friends this wkend who do not have children but have always loved ours well. In explaining a funny story of how hubby accidently washed my purse (yes, in the machine), my friend asked how it got in the laundry hamper. I had to briefly explain that we thought Difficult Child might be coming over and I always hide my purse. Seemed like the most natural thing to me. Then I spent about 20 min. privately thinking about what their conversation would be on the way home about how they had no idea it was this bad. We have only ever said to them that he's alcoholic and wasting his life. We all know that some people can't possibly understand our chaos or don't want to hear our story. </p><p>. </p><p>Shame by definition: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.</p><p></p><p>Who's wrong or foolish behavior was this all?</p><p>Yes, I'm humiliated and distressed due to current and past actions of my son. I have a long memory.</p><p>But, I know that my<em> behavior has not been wrong or foolish</em>. Unless you can count enabling....done out of warped love and my need to control. That fits. But to feel shame over what is totally out of my control?</p><p>It's like feeling shame over famine, mass shootings, homelessness.</p><p>Or, more like feeling shame that the sun came up today and shined so hot, a plant was scorched and died. No control, no control, no control.</p><p>Love yourself today-shame is a feeling, feel it, but get over it. Make it momentary pain, don't let it define you. Your story is so much more than that.</p><p></p><p>After I wasted 20 min thinking about our friends' response, it was somewhat freeing to feel I<em> had finally let them in a little on how bad it has been. </em></p><p>We know a little about how bad it's been for you...feel good about letting us in...you are a good mom in a bad situation that you have no control over. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 697244, member: 20054"] Hi Collean. We all need to jump off the shame train, don't we? We were with friends this wkend who do not have children but have always loved ours well. In explaining a funny story of how hubby accidently washed my purse (yes, in the machine), my friend asked how it got in the laundry hamper. I had to briefly explain that we thought Difficult Child might be coming over and I always hide my purse. Seemed like the most natural thing to me. Then I spent about 20 min. privately thinking about what their conversation would be on the way home about how they had no idea it was this bad. We have only ever said to them that he's alcoholic and wasting his life. We all know that some people can't possibly understand our chaos or don't want to hear our story. . Shame by definition: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Who's wrong or foolish behavior was this all? Yes, I'm humiliated and distressed due to current and past actions of my son. I have a long memory. But, I know that my[I] behavior has not been wrong or foolish[/I]. Unless you can count enabling....done out of warped love and my need to control. That fits. But to feel shame over what is totally out of my control? It's like feeling shame over famine, mass shootings, homelessness. Or, more like feeling shame that the sun came up today and shined so hot, a plant was scorched and died. No control, no control, no control. Love yourself today-shame is a feeling, feel it, but get over it. Make it momentary pain, don't let it define you. Your story is so much more than that. After I wasted 20 min thinking about our friends' response, it was somewhat freeing to feel I[I] had finally let them in a little on how bad it has been. [/I] We know a little about how bad it's been for you...feel good about letting us in...you are a good mom in a bad situation that you have no control over. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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