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General Parenting
How do you deal with a child who doesn't "Buy In" to the whole education process?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 394254" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree about the Asperger's possibility. It would explain a great deal. It would also be a blessing in a number of ways.</p><p></p><p>Some things to consider - first, it is highly likely that he is using computer games as a coping strategy. By taking them away, you have complicated things and not necessarily improved them. I can understand why you did - you see the kids playing games and losing a lot of time in them when they should be working. But removing the games, in fact imposing your will, is going to backfire badly with these kids.</p><p></p><p>One thing we learn here - when your kid is different (a difficult child, or Gift From God) you have to throw out all the usual parenting rules and all the Dr Spock discipline ideas that come so highly recommended. Kids like these are often only made worse by them.</p><p></p><p>Now, he needs to be engaged in his learning. Chances are there are subjects he has to do, which he cannot see the point in. He needs to be engaged in his own learning and for this, he needs to see the importance of it for his own life.</p><p></p><p>So what I suggest - help him set goals for his life. You could probably need the help of a vocational psychologist in this. We've been fortunate to find a good one who has seen both my younger kids, consecutively. It is not long-term ongoing treatment, just a few appointments to try to help the client set their own goals and know what they need to do to work towards them.</p><p></p><p>Find out what your son is good at and what he is interested in. Then help him find some possible career paths that use these skills, or use related skills. If there is not a career path, maybe there is a related hobby. One possibility he could investigate, is a programmer of computer games. Or a computer game reviewer. There are opportunities for kids of his age, to write their own unprompted reviews and post them online for others to comment. There are cheat codes and tricks that players work out for themselves and he could start a blog that shares these. But in order to do this, he needs communication skills. He needs to have at least some understanding of the practicalities of how to make it work. But surely it is an idea he would love?</p><p></p><p>School lessons are important for all sorts of reasons. First, they work towards giving him qualifications on paper that he will need, in order to open doors later on. he could still get there without an education, but there will be many more obstacles, and right now he is demonstrating that he is not good with facing obstacles and overcoming them. So that is point two - this is good practice for handling problems later on. </p><p></p><p>Next point - despite what he thinks about the content of his current lessons, there is stuff he will be able to use and will alter on be grateful for. Somewhere in there, of course. There is always a lot of other stuff you think you will never use or need, but it's the same for all of us. If he really is Aspie, his brain will be able to easily take this in his stride and absorb all information he needs very readily. </p><p></p><p>School, especially secondary school, is perhaps the worst for Aspie kids. If he can hang in there and get to college or uni, he will find a lot more support and also a lot less dross in his curriculum. He will be able to choose stuff he is interested in, with a much lower "I have to do this and I can't see the point" ratio of material.</p><p></p><p>If he is Aspie, chances are he is highly intelligent. Yes, he will find companionship on a park bench. But it will be rare. Most of those on the park benches don't have much left between the ears, they've burned it out. It's a tougher world on a park bench than in school, and he won't have the social skills to survive.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 394254, member: 1991"] I agree about the Asperger's possibility. It would explain a great deal. It would also be a blessing in a number of ways. Some things to consider - first, it is highly likely that he is using computer games as a coping strategy. By taking them away, you have complicated things and not necessarily improved them. I can understand why you did - you see the kids playing games and losing a lot of time in them when they should be working. But removing the games, in fact imposing your will, is going to backfire badly with these kids. One thing we learn here - when your kid is different (a difficult child, or Gift From God) you have to throw out all the usual parenting rules and all the Dr Spock discipline ideas that come so highly recommended. Kids like these are often only made worse by them. Now, he needs to be engaged in his learning. Chances are there are subjects he has to do, which he cannot see the point in. He needs to be engaged in his own learning and for this, he needs to see the importance of it for his own life. So what I suggest - help him set goals for his life. You could probably need the help of a vocational psychologist in this. We've been fortunate to find a good one who has seen both my younger kids, consecutively. It is not long-term ongoing treatment, just a few appointments to try to help the client set their own goals and know what they need to do to work towards them. Find out what your son is good at and what he is interested in. Then help him find some possible career paths that use these skills, or use related skills. If there is not a career path, maybe there is a related hobby. One possibility he could investigate, is a programmer of computer games. Or a computer game reviewer. There are opportunities for kids of his age, to write their own unprompted reviews and post them online for others to comment. There are cheat codes and tricks that players work out for themselves and he could start a blog that shares these. But in order to do this, he needs communication skills. He needs to have at least some understanding of the practicalities of how to make it work. But surely it is an idea he would love? School lessons are important for all sorts of reasons. First, they work towards giving him qualifications on paper that he will need, in order to open doors later on. he could still get there without an education, but there will be many more obstacles, and right now he is demonstrating that he is not good with facing obstacles and overcoming them. So that is point two - this is good practice for handling problems later on. Next point - despite what he thinks about the content of his current lessons, there is stuff he will be able to use and will alter on be grateful for. Somewhere in there, of course. There is always a lot of other stuff you think you will never use or need, but it's the same for all of us. If he really is Aspie, his brain will be able to easily take this in his stride and absorb all information he needs very readily. School, especially secondary school, is perhaps the worst for Aspie kids. If he can hang in there and get to college or uni, he will find a lot more support and also a lot less dross in his curriculum. He will be able to choose stuff he is interested in, with a much lower "I have to do this and I can't see the point" ratio of material. If he is Aspie, chances are he is highly intelligent. Yes, he will find companionship on a park bench. But it will be rare. Most of those on the park benches don't have much left between the ears, they've burned it out. It's a tougher world on a park bench than in school, and he won't have the social skills to survive. Marg [/QUOTE]
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How do you deal with a child who doesn't "Buy In" to the whole education process?
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