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how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 143683" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nette, </p><p></p><p>(I love bee and flower) you are very talented. I like the way you use the entire frame to bring your art to life. You have a great gift. </p><p></p><p>Laughing to myself - YEah???? HOW DO you do what you just asked how you do????? I think I answered my own question of that today with my 17 year old son. I told my DF that I didn't apparently learn by time, I learn at a different pace. My pace is incident pace. Meaning I have patience to a fault. I have a heart, I have a conscience and so I allow myself enough latitude with my son to continue to allow myself to be hurt over and over. </p><p></p><p>I would think - by now that I could just flip that maternal switch and say "You know what kid? I'm tired of being treated like crud by you." But the truth is - I allow myself to continue to be treated like crud. Until I decide that I've been treated poorly, so many times, that it makes me look up and say NO MORE...I'm going to continue to get hurt. </p><p></p><p>I've been learning what I call the fine art of detachment. I liken it to a mother bird in the summer picking that last fledgling out of the nest and dropping it to the ground. Fly or perish. I dont' care WHO you are - that's tough. My son is looking at 15 years in prison for a crime he did not commit, but telling him over and over you are known by the company you keep....never sunk in. And I have laid awake at night tossing and turning and trying to figure out and go over the scenario hoping I'm some sort of Agatha Christie savant that will come up with the answer or clue that saves him. And it made me crazy. Couldn't eat, sleep, work, think. </p><p></p><p>Somewhere you have to find that event that makes you go "I have to start living my life and let my kids make their decisions and endure their consequences." with your life Nette - I think raising your daughters 2 kids is enough of helping her. I wonder with my own son - at times, what would he do IF I pulled my support back - would he sink, swim? I want the best for him - I really do. But the fine line is there between NOT helping and KNOWING that they are going to suffer because they have problems and ALLOWING them to suffer for their own choices. </p><p></p><p>I wish I had a better answer for you. There is a list here called Suz list of detaching - in archives - print it out post it everywhere.....and don't fret about answering the phone calls from jail - they are priced RIDICULOUS anyway. THat is a scam - those people should be in jail! </p><p></p><p>Hugs and wishing you peaceful nights (okay maybe every other night) lol </p><p></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 143683, member: 4964"] Nette, (I love bee and flower) you are very talented. I like the way you use the entire frame to bring your art to life. You have a great gift. Laughing to myself - YEah???? HOW DO you do what you just asked how you do????? I think I answered my own question of that today with my 17 year old son. I told my DF that I didn't apparently learn by time, I learn at a different pace. My pace is incident pace. Meaning I have patience to a fault. I have a heart, I have a conscience and so I allow myself enough latitude with my son to continue to allow myself to be hurt over and over. I would think - by now that I could just flip that maternal switch and say "You know what kid? I'm tired of being treated like crud by you." But the truth is - I allow myself to continue to be treated like crud. Until I decide that I've been treated poorly, so many times, that it makes me look up and say NO MORE...I'm going to continue to get hurt. I've been learning what I call the fine art of detachment. I liken it to a mother bird in the summer picking that last fledgling out of the nest and dropping it to the ground. Fly or perish. I dont' care WHO you are - that's tough. My son is looking at 15 years in prison for a crime he did not commit, but telling him over and over you are known by the company you keep....never sunk in. And I have laid awake at night tossing and turning and trying to figure out and go over the scenario hoping I'm some sort of Agatha Christie savant that will come up with the answer or clue that saves him. And it made me crazy. Couldn't eat, sleep, work, think. Somewhere you have to find that event that makes you go "I have to start living my life and let my kids make their decisions and endure their consequences." with your life Nette - I think raising your daughters 2 kids is enough of helping her. I wonder with my own son - at times, what would he do IF I pulled my support back - would he sink, swim? I want the best for him - I really do. But the fine line is there between NOT helping and KNOWING that they are going to suffer because they have problems and ALLOWING them to suffer for their own choices. I wish I had a better answer for you. There is a list here called Suz list of detaching - in archives - print it out post it everywhere.....and don't fret about answering the phone calls from jail - they are priced RIDICULOUS anyway. THat is a scam - those people should be in jail! Hugs and wishing you peaceful nights (okay maybe every other night) lol Star [/QUOTE]
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how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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