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Parent Emeritus
how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 143778" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nette, </p><p></p><p></p><p>The fact that you had one daughter not behave like the other - has nothing to do with your Mothering. You didn't raise one good one and one bad one. You raised TWO daughters very well and one made poor choices. That is not a reflection on you. I often wonder if I had two children and one was like Dude and the other was a easy child - how it would have made me wonder, but I have gone through some pretty intense counseling to know - I made decisions at the time I made them in the best interest of my child. </p><p></p><p>The fact that he chooses to ignore me as a parent and ignore my teachings is on him. Don't ever say "I should have" instead say "I made the best choice I could at the time under certain circumstances - and had I known better I would have chosen better." Eliminate should out of your vocabulary when it comes to raising kids. It's lethal. Did you ever actually sit down and have a decision to make about your kids and KNEW a choice was the most rotten, bad one and chose it anyway? - probably not. You chose the good choice. Should - makes you sound like you knew better and picked the bad choice. See? </p><p></p><p>You're a good Mom. You have a daughter with problems. We're all in the same boat or we couldn't be here. I'm glad we are here to support each other - the sanest thing that ever happened was the day I found this board and read and lurked and REALIZED - OMG there ARE other parents doing the same things and struggling like me. IT was such an epiphany. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. You're not alone. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 143778, member: 4964"] Nette, The fact that you had one daughter not behave like the other - has nothing to do with your Mothering. You didn't raise one good one and one bad one. You raised TWO daughters very well and one made poor choices. That is not a reflection on you. I often wonder if I had two children and one was like Dude and the other was a easy child - how it would have made me wonder, but I have gone through some pretty intense counseling to know - I made decisions at the time I made them in the best interest of my child. The fact that he chooses to ignore me as a parent and ignore my teachings is on him. Don't ever say "I should have" instead say "I made the best choice I could at the time under certain circumstances - and had I known better I would have chosen better." Eliminate should out of your vocabulary when it comes to raising kids. It's lethal. Did you ever actually sit down and have a decision to make about your kids and KNEW a choice was the most rotten, bad one and chose it anyway? - probably not. You chose the good choice. Should - makes you sound like you knew better and picked the bad choice. See? You're a good Mom. You have a daughter with problems. We're all in the same boat or we couldn't be here. I'm glad we are here to support each other - the sanest thing that ever happened was the day I found this board and read and lurked and REALIZED - OMG there ARE other parents doing the same things and struggling like me. IT was such an epiphany. I'm glad you found us. You're not alone. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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