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How do you discipline your children?
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<blockquote data-quote="'Chelle" data-source="post: 136943" data-attributes="member: 1161"><p>With my kids it's natural consequences where they work - ie homework is left up to the school, don't do it you don't pass and have to repeat. difficult child found that out with math last semester, he had an average 94% on tests, his end mark was low 70's because of homework not done. This semester he's been better at doing his homework. Even if he says he hates school, I think he hates to do poorly even more, and likes having high marks.</p><p></p><p>For stuff at home, I take away what matters most to them, which right now seems to be all electronics. No TV, video games, computer - at all. If that means I can't watch TV so they can't watch it, I do that. I can amuse myself without, they have a lot more trouble doing that I think LOL. We've pretty much set before hand now what consequences they get for what behaviors. I think you need to take away her TV completely when you use that as a consequence. It's not much of a punishment if she can then watch DVD's on it. If you say no TV, she probably just mentally shrugs and thinks fine, I'll watch a movie anyway. And don't give in when she whines to watch a different TV. I know, sometimes the consequences can be just as hard on the parents LOL.</p><p></p><p>What we had to do was pick the most important things we had to work on (yep The Explosive Child helped with that) which for us was school, disrespect, and verbalizing his problems/feelings. All the other stuff was relegated to the background and/or negotiated with him. For example I let go a clean room for just having the garbage stuff removed on a regular basis like snack wrappers, dirty plates/cups etc. If his stuff was on the floor and got stepped on and broken, too bad and wasn't replaced. We're now to the point where we work on the small stuff (doing chores LOL) and he'll actually do them now without too much complaint. They always have to complain.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry your husband isn't on the same page with you. As I mentioned, maybe some stuff should be let go a bit more say homework and let the school deal, but the stuff you mentioned, the disrespect (name calling), violence (hitting you), and leaving the house without your knowledge/permission (safety issue) are all pretty important things that shouldn't be small stuff. in my opinion you and husband need to sit down alone and discuss these things, and how his not saying anything when she does those things could be seen as these are all right with him.</p><p></p><p>Whatever consequence you decide, you have to mean it and stick to it and not give in. Eventually they realize you say what you mean and mean what you say, and get with the program, somewhat any way. The thing with difficult children is that sometimes it takes longer for them to get it. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and {{{{HUGS}}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="'Chelle, post: 136943, member: 1161"] With my kids it's natural consequences where they work - ie homework is left up to the school, don't do it you don't pass and have to repeat. difficult child found that out with math last semester, he had an average 94% on tests, his end mark was low 70's because of homework not done. This semester he's been better at doing his homework. Even if he says he hates school, I think he hates to do poorly even more, and likes having high marks. For stuff at home, I take away what matters most to them, which right now seems to be all electronics. No TV, video games, computer - at all. If that means I can't watch TV so they can't watch it, I do that. I can amuse myself without, they have a lot more trouble doing that I think LOL. We've pretty much set before hand now what consequences they get for what behaviors. I think you need to take away her TV completely when you use that as a consequence. It's not much of a punishment if she can then watch DVD's on it. If you say no TV, she probably just mentally shrugs and thinks fine, I'll watch a movie anyway. And don't give in when she whines to watch a different TV. I know, sometimes the consequences can be just as hard on the parents LOL. What we had to do was pick the most important things we had to work on (yep The Explosive Child helped with that) which for us was school, disrespect, and verbalizing his problems/feelings. All the other stuff was relegated to the background and/or negotiated with him. For example I let go a clean room for just having the garbage stuff removed on a regular basis like snack wrappers, dirty plates/cups etc. If his stuff was on the floor and got stepped on and broken, too bad and wasn't replaced. We're now to the point where we work on the small stuff (doing chores LOL) and he'll actually do them now without too much complaint. They always have to complain. I'm sorry your husband isn't on the same page with you. As I mentioned, maybe some stuff should be let go a bit more say homework and let the school deal, but the stuff you mentioned, the disrespect (name calling), violence (hitting you), and leaving the house without your knowledge/permission (safety issue) are all pretty important things that shouldn't be small stuff. in my opinion you and husband need to sit down alone and discuss these things, and how his not saying anything when she does those things could be seen as these are all right with him. Whatever consequence you decide, you have to mean it and stick to it and not give in. Eventually they realize you say what you mean and mean what you say, and get with the program, somewhat any way. The thing with difficult children is that sometimes it takes longer for them to get it. Good luck and {{{{HUGS}}}} [/QUOTE]
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