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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 449425" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi NN <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite9" alt=":eek:" title="Eek! :eek:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":eek:" />),</p><p></p><p>you didn't say how old your daughter actually is - but you refer to drug use for the last 17 years, so I am assuming she is at least in her 30ies? </p><p></p><p>While I personally have no experience with drug users, I have had more than my share of alcoholics in my life - and looking at any addiction [no matter what type] it always comes down to the one thing - if they are not willing to battle the addiction on their own behalf, no matter what you are going to do for them, it is simply a bandaid slapped on a festering sore that will not improve at all. You are just delaying the unavoidable - for her to get better, to make better choices and to get on her own feet rather than having someone else sacrificing their own money, space, freedom, trust etc to put her up and to put up with her - she must make the decision to get better, to get sober, to deal with her addiction and to get help. Prior to her getting to this point - you are just throwing good money after bad. This may be harsh as your first response here, but it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Look at where you are right now - she is again living with you, fortunate enough to be drawing unemployment, probably not sharing your household expenses, and chances are she is not doing much house work, garden/yard work or working for free in your business to help offset the expenses you are occuring on her behalf. She is having her cake and eating it too as long as she can live with you. She is still making "comfort zone choices" and not taking the opportunity you have given her to recoup and start over. Furthermore you are probably feeling very uncomfortable, not relaxed, and not safe or trusting with her in your home. I think you been there and done that, and it still is the same as it was before, right?</p><p></p><p>There are women's shelters, homeless shelters, rehab clinics which she probably would qualify for, paid by the state [well maybe not right now until they get their budget woes out of the way]. If she draws unemployment, it might be enough to afford a room mate situation or efficiency apartment. Get her up and going and looking for a job and charge her rent and upkeep if she is staying with you. At least you will get some of that money [which you can set aside for helping her later on if you wish] - instead of a drug dealer. Give her your lawn mower and send her off to cut somebodies grass - there are always some folks who need that. Make her volunteer somewhere to keep her busy if all she does is sit around and watch Tv, be on the computer or mope. Make it uncomfortable and get her activity level up. it's kind of late for spring cleaning - but hey! Get her to turn the entire house upside down, wash the walls, paint, clean out kitchen cabinets, trim the bushes, etc etc - I am sure you will be able to find something. Volunteer her help to your friends [only if she is trustworthy enough not to steal!]. Either she will leave on her own, or will eventually get tired of you pushing her and it will come to a head that way - at least you will hear from her directly how she feels about you then, though it probably won't be pretty! Seriously - are you really ready to sacrifice your life all over again to take care of her?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 449425, member: 12241"] Hi NN :o), you didn't say how old your daughter actually is - but you refer to drug use for the last 17 years, so I am assuming she is at least in her 30ies? While I personally have no experience with drug users, I have had more than my share of alcoholics in my life - and looking at any addiction [no matter what type] it always comes down to the one thing - if they are not willing to battle the addiction on their own behalf, no matter what you are going to do for them, it is simply a bandaid slapped on a festering sore that will not improve at all. You are just delaying the unavoidable - for her to get better, to make better choices and to get on her own feet rather than having someone else sacrificing their own money, space, freedom, trust etc to put her up and to put up with her - she must make the decision to get better, to get sober, to deal with her addiction and to get help. Prior to her getting to this point - you are just throwing good money after bad. This may be harsh as your first response here, but it is what it is. Look at where you are right now - she is again living with you, fortunate enough to be drawing unemployment, probably not sharing your household expenses, and chances are she is not doing much house work, garden/yard work or working for free in your business to help offset the expenses you are occuring on her behalf. She is having her cake and eating it too as long as she can live with you. She is still making "comfort zone choices" and not taking the opportunity you have given her to recoup and start over. Furthermore you are probably feeling very uncomfortable, not relaxed, and not safe or trusting with her in your home. I think you been there and done that, and it still is the same as it was before, right? There are women's shelters, homeless shelters, rehab clinics which she probably would qualify for, paid by the state [well maybe not right now until they get their budget woes out of the way]. If she draws unemployment, it might be enough to afford a room mate situation or efficiency apartment. Get her up and going and looking for a job and charge her rent and upkeep if she is staying with you. At least you will get some of that money [which you can set aside for helping her later on if you wish] - instead of a drug dealer. Give her your lawn mower and send her off to cut somebodies grass - there are always some folks who need that. Make her volunteer somewhere to keep her busy if all she does is sit around and watch Tv, be on the computer or mope. Make it uncomfortable and get her activity level up. it's kind of late for spring cleaning - but hey! Get her to turn the entire house upside down, wash the walls, paint, clean out kitchen cabinets, trim the bushes, etc etc - I am sure you will be able to find something. Volunteer her help to your friends [only if she is trustworthy enough not to steal!]. Either she will leave on her own, or will eventually get tired of you pushing her and it will come to a head that way - at least you will hear from her directly how she feels about you then, though it probably won't be pretty! Seriously - are you really ready to sacrifice your life all over again to take care of her? [/QUOTE]
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