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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 449680" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi NN - good to hear back from you!</p><p></p><p>We all love our kids and want to protect them - no matter what it is. It is really hard, to take a step back and detach a bit so one can see better what needs doing. I think you are doing great - you've taken first steps in reaching out for help and knowledge - and you are aware that there is a problem that is beyond your ability as a mom to fix. Alanon - I know there are also similar help groups for specifically the friends and families of drug addicts [do a search for Narkotics Addictions] - is great, I am glad you are going! You will meet many people there in real life who have gone or are going through the same issues you are, and they will share the tools with you how to deal better with it on your end.</p><p></p><p>Talk to her about going to AA oor NA herself. Perhaps even make it a condition of her continued stay. </p><p></p><p>Keep her busy - write her a honey-do list every day before you go to work and insist that she does the things [all of them]! </p><p></p><p>Help her get motivated looking for a job. Scour the classifieds together, give her a ride to apply for jobs [don't let her use her own car until she gets a new tag and insurance reinstated!], make her walk into stores to pick up applications or drop off resumes [or whatever she needs to be doing in order to land a job]. Make sure she dresses appropriately.</p><p></p><p>I would do another search for drug paraphernalia - now that you have a better idea of what to look for, and also where to look for. Insist on frequent drug testing while she is in the house, and make that part of your conditions for her to be able to stay, if that is what you are deciding to do.</p><p></p><p>Write up a contract, put it on paper, and make her sign it and also make sure she does understand that you will hold her to it, no matter what happens. Line out the consequences for breach of contract, and most importantly - do be prepared to follow through. Do not put anything in writing which you know you will not be able to enforce. If you need to take her by the hand to [re]teach how to budget and be responsible, then do so. </p><p></p><p>Put a time limit on the contract - 30 days to find a job; 3 months to save up enough for rent + utility deposits to get a place of her own. Get her car reactivated [make her pay for it]. Show her how you run your budget, teach her how to coupon or shop smart with a tight budget in mind. And all along make her do the housekeeping, yard work, car washing, cooking dinner, etc etc at your house. NA [AA] meetings once a day, min. 5 times or more a week. Get her up and moving - I truly believe that keeping active will help some and will also help her rest better. She should also go walking/running/exercising every day; getting fit, maybe slimming down some or building up muscle tone will help building her confidence and in the long run making her feel better about herself.</p><p></p><p>I still think you are just prolonging the inevitable, but I also understand the need to "try just one more time"... Do have your rules laid down though, and be prepared to follow through once she breaks them. </p><p></p><p>Wishing you the very best - both of you! Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 449680, member: 12241"] Hi NN - good to hear back from you! We all love our kids and want to protect them - no matter what it is. It is really hard, to take a step back and detach a bit so one can see better what needs doing. I think you are doing great - you've taken first steps in reaching out for help and knowledge - and you are aware that there is a problem that is beyond your ability as a mom to fix. Alanon - I know there are also similar help groups for specifically the friends and families of drug addicts [do a search for Narkotics Addictions] - is great, I am glad you are going! You will meet many people there in real life who have gone or are going through the same issues you are, and they will share the tools with you how to deal better with it on your end. Talk to her about going to AA oor NA herself. Perhaps even make it a condition of her continued stay. Keep her busy - write her a honey-do list every day before you go to work and insist that she does the things [all of them]! Help her get motivated looking for a job. Scour the classifieds together, give her a ride to apply for jobs [don't let her use her own car until she gets a new tag and insurance reinstated!], make her walk into stores to pick up applications or drop off resumes [or whatever she needs to be doing in order to land a job]. Make sure she dresses appropriately. I would do another search for drug paraphernalia - now that you have a better idea of what to look for, and also where to look for. Insist on frequent drug testing while she is in the house, and make that part of your conditions for her to be able to stay, if that is what you are deciding to do. Write up a contract, put it on paper, and make her sign it and also make sure she does understand that you will hold her to it, no matter what happens. Line out the consequences for breach of contract, and most importantly - do be prepared to follow through. Do not put anything in writing which you know you will not be able to enforce. If you need to take her by the hand to [re]teach how to budget and be responsible, then do so. Put a time limit on the contract - 30 days to find a job; 3 months to save up enough for rent + utility deposits to get a place of her own. Get her car reactivated [make her pay for it]. Show her how you run your budget, teach her how to coupon or shop smart with a tight budget in mind. And all along make her do the housekeeping, yard work, car washing, cooking dinner, etc etc at your house. NA [AA] meetings once a day, min. 5 times or more a week. Get her up and moving - I truly believe that keeping active will help some and will also help her rest better. She should also go walking/running/exercising every day; getting fit, maybe slimming down some or building up muscle tone will help building her confidence and in the long run making her feel better about herself. I still think you are just prolonging the inevitable, but I also understand the need to "try just one more time"... Do have your rules laid down though, and be prepared to follow through once she breaks them. Wishing you the very best - both of you! Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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