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<blockquote data-quote="PatriotsGirl" data-source="post: 451068"><p>Sorry it took me so long to get back here. Work has been crazy!!! Forgive me, this is going to be long - I am trying to tell you my story in a post. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>My difficult child <em>still</em> has not learned that drugs have caused her to lose everything. She was expelled from school for selling pills (TWICE!!!!), she has lost every good friend she ever had and now she is homeless and has been for six months straight now. She has been on probation since being caught at school and currently has a warrant out for her arrest. She had to settle for getting her GED at 16. I tried pushing her into college, but she badly flubbed the entrance exams because she was crashing. I was so desperate to save her. I thought if I could only get her in to school she would be busy and not on drugs. Yeah. Right. </p><p> </p><p>My difficult child would take off for days at a time, using with her "friends" and then come back home to crash, eat everything in our kitchen, sleep for days and treat everyone like dirt because she was a you-know-what when she was crashing. I came to realize we were being used as a crash pad and that was it. My husband and I both have careers. My husband travels a lot. So if she stayed here, there was NO ONE here to police her activity. No one to make sure she was doing anything for her future. I believe she was also selling drugs out of my home, or at least arranging deals from my home. I actually witnessed her handing something to someone in a car in MY driveway. I have a younger son that I needed to think about. We tried everything. I had her committed - twice. Each time she was out in less than two weeks! I called rehabs - funny thing, well not really funny, pretty angering actually. You would think that if they are under 18, you can force them into rehab. Nope. Rehabs won't take them if they are not willing. We sent her far away to live with my mom. All she did was treat them all like dirt and take steps to destroy their lives. Had to ship her back here. Around Christmas last year, we allowed her to come back on the premise that she would not bring drugs into our home and she would receive treatment. She agreed and then fought it when I tried to find a place. But she seemed clean, though, and we had hope. husband and I both has substance issues at one point in our lives (when we were 18 - early 20's) and neither one of us had to go to rehab to quit. We thought maybe she would be the same. She was here a month and everything was going great but then she started taking off again and falling in to the same old patterns. I had suspicions but she kept passing the drug tests. One day when she was at a park finishing her community service hours, I had arranged for her to have a job interview. It would have been more than 40 hours a week waiving a sign in front of a store in the next town. I was thrilled! Here was an opportunity to save her! She would be busy almost every day! I texted her to let her know and told her I would go find an outfit for her to change into before the interview. I went upstairs, opened a drawer and saw a black bag with a drawstring on it. My heart sunk. I knew what it was. When I pulled it out, it was a glass pipe covered in white powder. When I called her on it, she was just mad that I went through her stuff. It was then I told her she HAD to go to rehab if she wanted to live here. She decided she wouldn't live here and has been homeless for six months straight now. But, I am holding firm. As HARD as it is, and believe me it is HARD, it is my only choice. </p><p></p><p>I do still pay for her cellphone. It is the one thing I can check and know that she is alive. I do see her once in a while. She has gained weight and looks a lot better than she did before, but she has been honest with me and told me she still uses once in a while. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p></p><p>They say the RIGHT thing to do is always the HARDEST thing to do. It would be so easy to save her. So easy to go pick her up and say she can come back home so that <em>I</em> would feel better. I wouldn't have to worry if she was cold, hot, hungry, etc. But what good does that actually do her? None. Not a dang thing. If anything, it would help KILL her. She would have NO reason to be clean. Why would she? She would be able to party and then come back to a nice house and have everything provided for. </p><p></p><p>My honest advice for you? YES, you are definitely enabling. No, I don't think "contracts" or "honey do lists" or even random drug tests would do anything (meth only lasts in the system a couple of days). I have been there, done that. They need true motivation to quit. Do NOT prevent her from hitting bottom. You WANT her to hit bottom - THAT is the motivation to change. FOR HER, you need to let her know that she needs to go to treatment or she canot live her cushy life on your bill. If she refuses treatment, I am sure there is a Salvation Army that you could direct her to. DO not fear her being homeless. That may be what it takes to save her. </p><p></p><p>(((HUGS))) and keep coming back here - the support from this board is what strengthened my resolve and keeps it strong!! </p><p></p><p>- Michelle</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PatriotsGirl, post: 451068"] Sorry it took me so long to get back here. Work has been crazy!!! Forgive me, this is going to be long - I am trying to tell you my story in a post. :) My difficult child [I]still[/I] has not learned that drugs have caused her to lose everything. She was expelled from school for selling pills (TWICE!!!!), she has lost every good friend she ever had and now she is homeless and has been for six months straight now. She has been on probation since being caught at school and currently has a warrant out for her arrest. She had to settle for getting her GED at 16. I tried pushing her into college, but she badly flubbed the entrance exams because she was crashing. I was so desperate to save her. I thought if I could only get her in to school she would be busy and not on drugs. Yeah. Right. My difficult child would take off for days at a time, using with her "friends" and then come back home to crash, eat everything in our kitchen, sleep for days and treat everyone like dirt because she was a you-know-what when she was crashing. I came to realize we were being used as a crash pad and that was it. My husband and I both have careers. My husband travels a lot. So if she stayed here, there was NO ONE here to police her activity. No one to make sure she was doing anything for her future. I believe she was also selling drugs out of my home, or at least arranging deals from my home. I actually witnessed her handing something to someone in a car in MY driveway. I have a younger son that I needed to think about. We tried everything. I had her committed - twice. Each time she was out in less than two weeks! I called rehabs - funny thing, well not really funny, pretty angering actually. You would think that if they are under 18, you can force them into rehab. Nope. Rehabs won't take them if they are not willing. We sent her far away to live with my mom. All she did was treat them all like dirt and take steps to destroy their lives. Had to ship her back here. Around Christmas last year, we allowed her to come back on the premise that she would not bring drugs into our home and she would receive treatment. She agreed and then fought it when I tried to find a place. But she seemed clean, though, and we had hope. husband and I both has substance issues at one point in our lives (when we were 18 - early 20's) and neither one of us had to go to rehab to quit. We thought maybe she would be the same. She was here a month and everything was going great but then she started taking off again and falling in to the same old patterns. I had suspicions but she kept passing the drug tests. One day when she was at a park finishing her community service hours, I had arranged for her to have a job interview. It would have been more than 40 hours a week waiving a sign in front of a store in the next town. I was thrilled! Here was an opportunity to save her! She would be busy almost every day! I texted her to let her know and told her I would go find an outfit for her to change into before the interview. I went upstairs, opened a drawer and saw a black bag with a drawstring on it. My heart sunk. I knew what it was. When I pulled it out, it was a glass pipe covered in white powder. When I called her on it, she was just mad that I went through her stuff. It was then I told her she HAD to go to rehab if she wanted to live here. She decided she wouldn't live here and has been homeless for six months straight now. But, I am holding firm. As HARD as it is, and believe me it is HARD, it is my only choice. I do still pay for her cellphone. It is the one thing I can check and know that she is alive. I do see her once in a while. She has gained weight and looks a lot better than she did before, but she has been honest with me and told me she still uses once in a while. :( They say the RIGHT thing to do is always the HARDEST thing to do. It would be so easy to save her. So easy to go pick her up and say she can come back home so that [I]I[/I] would feel better. I wouldn't have to worry if she was cold, hot, hungry, etc. But what good does that actually do her? None. Not a dang thing. If anything, it would help KILL her. She would have NO reason to be clean. Why would she? She would be able to party and then come back to a nice house and have everything provided for. My honest advice for you? YES, you are definitely enabling. No, I don't think "contracts" or "honey do lists" or even random drug tests would do anything (meth only lasts in the system a couple of days). I have been there, done that. They need true motivation to quit. Do NOT prevent her from hitting bottom. You WANT her to hit bottom - THAT is the motivation to change. FOR HER, you need to let her know that she needs to go to treatment or she canot live her cushy life on your bill. If she refuses treatment, I am sure there is a Salvation Army that you could direct her to. DO not fear her being homeless. That may be what it takes to save her. (((HUGS))) and keep coming back here - the support from this board is what strengthened my resolve and keeps it strong!! - Michelle [/QUOTE]
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