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How do you handle lying?
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 349048" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I'm fairly new here and I have found this site and this forum to be very helpful. I've been reading the archives, particularly on the subject of detaching & the brainstorming list. One of my big flaws if "overtalking" and I know it has made things difficult for my difficult child and for myself. As I've come to realize that a great deal of her behavior is difficult child-related and NOT a normal teen phase, I've had to change my thinking as well as the way I talk and listen to her.</p><p> </p><p>She has HUGE issues with lying. She lies to avoid things, she lies for attention and she lies when she doesn't need to lie. I am trying to figure out how to draw the line between what I can let go and what I cannot as far as holding her accountable. </p><p> </p><p>Have any of you dealt with chronic lying? What kind of responses do you give when you know your difficult child is lying? </p><p> </p><p>Here's an example. She is living with her dad right now and supposedly looking for a job. I sent her an email on Tuesday with a link for a job with a company that owns a string of convenience stores, one of which is right across the street from where she is living. I talked with her that afternoon at 4:00 and asked if she'd checked into it. She said "no, I was just getting in the shower, but I will." I said "ok" and made plans to pick her up at 6:00 so she could have dinner with me and watch a movie. She got in the car at 6:00 and said "I went and filled out an application." I suspected she didn't because I KNOS her habits. There is no way she got in the shower at 4:00, got ready and made it across the street and back by 6:00. Plus her dad later told me he got home at 5:00 and she was up getting ready and she did not leave til I got there. I did not ask her about the job a second time (and wasn't going to), she volunteered and she wasy lying.</p><p> </p><p>Believe me, she lies about much bigger things than that, and I do call her on the big ones. </p><p> </p><p>Her dad pretty much never calls her on her lies - even the big ones, so it's always me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thanks!</p><p>dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 349048, member: 9175"] I'm fairly new here and I have found this site and this forum to be very helpful. I've been reading the archives, particularly on the subject of detaching & the brainstorming list. One of my big flaws if "overtalking" and I know it has made things difficult for my difficult child and for myself. As I've come to realize that a great deal of her behavior is difficult child-related and NOT a normal teen phase, I've had to change my thinking as well as the way I talk and listen to her. She has HUGE issues with lying. She lies to avoid things, she lies for attention and she lies when she doesn't need to lie. I am trying to figure out how to draw the line between what I can let go and what I cannot as far as holding her accountable. Have any of you dealt with chronic lying? What kind of responses do you give when you know your difficult child is lying? Here's an example. She is living with her dad right now and supposedly looking for a job. I sent her an email on Tuesday with a link for a job with a company that owns a string of convenience stores, one of which is right across the street from where she is living. I talked with her that afternoon at 4:00 and asked if she'd checked into it. She said "no, I was just getting in the shower, but I will." I said "ok" and made plans to pick her up at 6:00 so she could have dinner with me and watch a movie. She got in the car at 6:00 and said "I went and filled out an application." I suspected she didn't because I KNOS her habits. There is no way she got in the shower at 4:00, got ready and made it across the street and back by 6:00. Plus her dad later told me he got home at 5:00 and she was up getting ready and she did not leave til I got there. I did not ask her about the job a second time (and wasn't going to), she volunteered and she wasy lying. Believe me, she lies about much bigger things than that, and I do call her on the big ones. Her dad pretty much never calls her on her lies - even the big ones, so it's always me. Thanks! dash [/QUOTE]
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How do you handle lying?
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