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How do you handle your difficult child's neediness level?
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 216766" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Jennifer,</p><p></p><p>First I want to say, please NEVER feel guilty about needing time to yourself!!! As Star has said many times in the past, at least I think it was Star who said something like this, "If mom isn't happy, then no one's going to be happy." You have to take care of yourself, you have to put your needs first sometimes. in my humble opinion, if you don't take care of yourself, you'll just end up resenting difficult child.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 was extremely needy and clingy when he was younger. We tried to do what Shari and klmno suggested. We also tried to make him more independent as ML mentioned. Unfortunately, difficult child 1 took tantrums that lasted hours on end if he didn't get his own way, or if he wanted immediate attention and no one gave it to him. Unfortunately, I didn't have the wisdom of more experienced parents at the time. husband couldn't stand listening to difficult child 1 scream, throw things, etc. So, there were too many times either I or husband caved in. This just reinforced the point to difficult child 1 that if he didn't get what he wanted, all he had to do was to drive everyone crazy, and eventually he would get his way. husband and I had to learn to the hard way. It caused lots of problems between us. And, yes, I resented difficult child 1 for a long, long time.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 2 was needy for other reasons. Being globally developmentally delayed, meant that he couldn't do what was reasonably expected of others his age. He still can't. He is now over 16 1/2 yrs. old. This drives me to the very edge of sanity day in and day out!!! He still needs help with self-care skills. He lacks all common sense. I constantly wish I didn't have to look at him at all for a 24 hr period. I feel sufficated by him. He drives me crazy daily. I'm now making husband help more with difficult child 2. I don't want to end up resenting difficult child 2 forever. I had to learn to ask husband for help. It still gets me really angry that husband doesn't usually offer to help me unless I ask him to. Anyway, the point is all of us need and deserve breaks from our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>And, I agree with you - It is sometimes difficult to distinguish between manipulation and true needs. For me, things have gotten easier as difficult child 1 got older. We now have the opposite problem - trying to pry him away from his computer. </p><p></p><p>I hope that you're able to follow klmno's and Shari's advice. Beware, things might get worse before they'll get better. In the long run, it'll be worth the bit of extra HE77 you have to go through if your difficult child learns to do more without you having to be around.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of you. WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 216766, member: 3388"] Jennifer, First I want to say, please NEVER feel guilty about needing time to yourself!!! As Star has said many times in the past, at least I think it was Star who said something like this, "If mom isn't happy, then no one's going to be happy." You have to take care of yourself, you have to put your needs first sometimes. in my humble opinion, if you don't take care of yourself, you'll just end up resenting difficult child. difficult child 1 was extremely needy and clingy when he was younger. We tried to do what Shari and klmno suggested. We also tried to make him more independent as ML mentioned. Unfortunately, difficult child 1 took tantrums that lasted hours on end if he didn't get his own way, or if he wanted immediate attention and no one gave it to him. Unfortunately, I didn't have the wisdom of more experienced parents at the time. husband couldn't stand listening to difficult child 1 scream, throw things, etc. So, there were too many times either I or husband caved in. This just reinforced the point to difficult child 1 that if he didn't get what he wanted, all he had to do was to drive everyone crazy, and eventually he would get his way. husband and I had to learn to the hard way. It caused lots of problems between us. And, yes, I resented difficult child 1 for a long, long time. difficult child 2 was needy for other reasons. Being globally developmentally delayed, meant that he couldn't do what was reasonably expected of others his age. He still can't. He is now over 16 1/2 yrs. old. This drives me to the very edge of sanity day in and day out!!! He still needs help with self-care skills. He lacks all common sense. I constantly wish I didn't have to look at him at all for a 24 hr period. I feel sufficated by him. He drives me crazy daily. I'm now making husband help more with difficult child 2. I don't want to end up resenting difficult child 2 forever. I had to learn to ask husband for help. It still gets me really angry that husband doesn't usually offer to help me unless I ask him to. Anyway, the point is all of us need and deserve breaks from our difficult children. And, I agree with you - It is sometimes difficult to distinguish between manipulation and true needs. For me, things have gotten easier as difficult child 1 got older. We now have the opposite problem - trying to pry him away from his computer. I hope that you're able to follow klmno's and Shari's advice. Beware, things might get worse before they'll get better. In the long run, it'll be worth the bit of extra HE77 you have to go through if your difficult child learns to do more without you having to be around. Thinking of you. WFEN [/QUOTE]
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