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General Parenting
How do you keep your sanity when your kids routinely lie to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 216593" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>RD, first of all, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this. Losing the ability to trust your children is heartbreaking.</p><p></p><p>Here are my thoughts...</p><p></p><p>Showing love to your children does not necessarily mean being nice to them, or doing things for them, or letting them have privileges. Sometimes showing love to your children means getting very tough with them. Showing them that you, and your home and your things will be respected, and that you will not put up with any shenanigans from them.</p><p></p><p>Your children are going to have to live in society, and society will expect them to adhere to its standards. If they don't, they WILL face the consequences. The world doesn't care whether they have mental illnesses or special needs or anything...the world expects people to follow the rules, and life can be downright nasty for those who do not.</p><p></p><p>If you know that your children have broken into your house when you're not there and you have expressly forbidden it, you need to call the police. Even if the police do not press charges, you are building a body of information that they can use later. Going easy on your children doesn't help them, because they're not experiencing the natural consequences of their actions.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others that your children shouldn't be living in your home at all if they can't respect your boundaries. You need to change the locks on all the doors, and make sure that all windows are secure from entry too.</p><p></p><p>I also recommend that you keep a safety deposit box at your local bank. Jewellery that you don't wear, and any other valuables can be locked up there. You can also store important papers there (be sure to get copies of them, and store the copies in a safe place too)</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing, and in my opinion the hardest, is recognizing that your children are going to lie to you. You want so badly to believe them, but deep down you know you can't. Because you want to, you take their word for things that just don't make sense, that you'd never believe coming from someone other than your children.</p><p></p><p>When dealing with my difficult child, I assume that everything he says to me is a lie. Unless it can be corroborated with independent proof, then I simply don't believe him. His track record for lying is WAY too great. You might need to do something similar with your children. You can trust them. Trust them to treat your things with disrespect, trust them to lie and cheat, and steal. If you work from that assumption, you are less likely to have your home and things stolen or destroyed.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your pain. This is no way to have to spend what should be a happy family time.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 216593, member: 3907"] RD, first of all, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this. Losing the ability to trust your children is heartbreaking. Here are my thoughts... Showing love to your children does not necessarily mean being nice to them, or doing things for them, or letting them have privileges. Sometimes showing love to your children means getting very tough with them. Showing them that you, and your home and your things will be respected, and that you will not put up with any shenanigans from them. Your children are going to have to live in society, and society will expect them to adhere to its standards. If they don't, they WILL face the consequences. The world doesn't care whether they have mental illnesses or special needs or anything...the world expects people to follow the rules, and life can be downright nasty for those who do not. If you know that your children have broken into your house when you're not there and you have expressly forbidden it, you need to call the police. Even if the police do not press charges, you are building a body of information that they can use later. Going easy on your children doesn't help them, because they're not experiencing the natural consequences of their actions. I agree with the others that your children shouldn't be living in your home at all if they can't respect your boundaries. You need to change the locks on all the doors, and make sure that all windows are secure from entry too. I also recommend that you keep a safety deposit box at your local bank. Jewellery that you don't wear, and any other valuables can be locked up there. You can also store important papers there (be sure to get copies of them, and store the copies in a safe place too) The biggest thing, and in my opinion the hardest, is recognizing that your children are going to lie to you. You want so badly to believe them, but deep down you know you can't. Because you want to, you take their word for things that just don't make sense, that you'd never believe coming from someone other than your children. When dealing with my difficult child, I assume that everything he says to me is a lie. Unless it can be corroborated with independent proof, then I simply don't believe him. His track record for lying is WAY too great. You might need to do something similar with your children. You can trust them. Trust them to treat your things with disrespect, trust them to lie and cheat, and steal. If you work from that assumption, you are less likely to have your home and things stolen or destroyed. I am so sorry for your pain. This is no way to have to spend what should be a happy family time. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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