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How do you maintain a positive paradigm?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 147877" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>There is depression that is a true physiological disease that needs medication for treatment. You might consider that your medications need adjusted.</p><p></p><p>There is situational depression. When my difficult child was first hospitalized, the GP said, "I think you are depressed?" You think?!? If I weren't there would be something wrong with me. </p><p></p><p>I would imagine that with the trauma that has gone on with your sister, that a normal depression is expected. It allows your soul to heal a bit. It helps the pain not be so sharp. </p><p></p><p>As far as a positive outlook? For me anything was better than what I saw my life was like at home. I was grateful to be on my own despite being very poor and working 2 or 3 part time jobs while going to school. I was grateful I didn't have to answer to anyone but myself since there was no one who I would go to for help. Maybe my peers who had parental involvement in their education wondered how I could be positive when I was so poor. I didn't see it that way at all. I saw it as freedom from a life of submissive servitude with no upside. </p><p>When things aren't going well I am not Suzy Sunshine but I always look to turn a negative into a positive. easy child didn't graduate first in the class. Well he graduated farther along than difficult child. I'm just using that as an example of putting a positive spin on things. difficult child lost a job. It's sad but he can get up and try again. He is healthy and strong. If something is broken I try to find a way to fix it. </p><p>I'm not a rocket scientist but I know that looking at life in the scheme of the big picture allows me to not take the small setbacks so seriously. It allows me to appreciate a crappy job more than no job. (while I look for another) I find I am very grateful for the good stuff in my life because it didn't come easy. I have to look at things from a different point of view. I know our peers and family may feel sorry for us for having such a disabled difficult child. I think our life is blessed because there is love at the heart of what we do for each other. Doesn't mean difficult child doesn't break my heart with sadness but he is who he is and he is trying just like easy child and all of us. </p><p></p><p>It comes down to being empowered. " my employee quit, I'll have to work weekends until I can replace them" "my car broke down and now I will have to pay to fix it". Those are the primary statements in my head but then it feels like I am being a victim. I'll turn it around to think that working weekends for a while will allow me to have days off during the week and I can better evaluate the weekend issues. Or, the car broke but it's not as bad as I feared. At least I was near a service station. </p><p></p><p>In general I think you have to have self worth. You have to remind yourself that you are good at many things. Not everything but some things. You have to remind yourself that what you do everyday is important. There is value and worth to getting up and doing what you do. When a job is well done, tell yourself that. Don't search out the imperfections. </p><p></p><p>When someone tells you that you did a good job women tend to think of all the things that were wrong with the job. Instead tell yourself "yes I did do a good job" Self talk is important. I don't lie to myself. I know the job isn't perfect but I savor a job well done and a compliment. </p><p></p><p>In between fighting off the attitude of being a victim and making things work in an imperfect world I whine and get an attitude and remind myself that life can be so much worse. </p><p></p><p>I hope this made some sense because I got interrupted 3 different times. I think it's called finding your center, personal power, self love. Any of those names work I guess. </p><p></p><p>Heck, look what you have done for yourself! You should be walking with your head high. You raised a very difficult child as a single mom. Worked to support him. You should feel like a conquering hero who will continue to do battle to give him a chance at a life. You have a roof, car, food and all of it was done on your own. You should realize that you have the right to a life too. Give those gifts to yourself.</p><p></p><p>Forgot to add, laugh a lot at how absurd our lives can be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 147877, member: 3"] There is depression that is a true physiological disease that needs medication for treatment. You might consider that your medications need adjusted. There is situational depression. When my difficult child was first hospitalized, the GP said, "I think you are depressed?" You think?!? If I weren't there would be something wrong with me. I would imagine that with the trauma that has gone on with your sister, that a normal depression is expected. It allows your soul to heal a bit. It helps the pain not be so sharp. As far as a positive outlook? For me anything was better than what I saw my life was like at home. I was grateful to be on my own despite being very poor and working 2 or 3 part time jobs while going to school. I was grateful I didn't have to answer to anyone but myself since there was no one who I would go to for help. Maybe my peers who had parental involvement in their education wondered how I could be positive when I was so poor. I didn't see it that way at all. I saw it as freedom from a life of submissive servitude with no upside. When things aren't going well I am not Suzy Sunshine but I always look to turn a negative into a positive. easy child didn't graduate first in the class. Well he graduated farther along than difficult child. I'm just using that as an example of putting a positive spin on things. difficult child lost a job. It's sad but he can get up and try again. He is healthy and strong. If something is broken I try to find a way to fix it. I'm not a rocket scientist but I know that looking at life in the scheme of the big picture allows me to not take the small setbacks so seriously. It allows me to appreciate a crappy job more than no job. (while I look for another) I find I am very grateful for the good stuff in my life because it didn't come easy. I have to look at things from a different point of view. I know our peers and family may feel sorry for us for having such a disabled difficult child. I think our life is blessed because there is love at the heart of what we do for each other. Doesn't mean difficult child doesn't break my heart with sadness but he is who he is and he is trying just like easy child and all of us. It comes down to being empowered. " my employee quit, I'll have to work weekends until I can replace them" "my car broke down and now I will have to pay to fix it". Those are the primary statements in my head but then it feels like I am being a victim. I'll turn it around to think that working weekends for a while will allow me to have days off during the week and I can better evaluate the weekend issues. Or, the car broke but it's not as bad as I feared. At least I was near a service station. In general I think you have to have self worth. You have to remind yourself that you are good at many things. Not everything but some things. You have to remind yourself that what you do everyday is important. There is value and worth to getting up and doing what you do. When a job is well done, tell yourself that. Don't search out the imperfections. When someone tells you that you did a good job women tend to think of all the things that were wrong with the job. Instead tell yourself "yes I did do a good job" Self talk is important. I don't lie to myself. I know the job isn't perfect but I savor a job well done and a compliment. In between fighting off the attitude of being a victim and making things work in an imperfect world I whine and get an attitude and remind myself that life can be so much worse. I hope this made some sense because I got interrupted 3 different times. I think it's called finding your center, personal power, self love. Any of those names work I guess. Heck, look what you have done for yourself! You should be walking with your head high. You raised a very difficult child as a single mom. Worked to support him. You should feel like a conquering hero who will continue to do battle to give him a chance at a life. You have a roof, car, food and all of it was done on your own. You should realize that you have the right to a life too. Give those gifts to yourself. Forgot to add, laugh a lot at how absurd our lives can be. [/QUOTE]
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