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How do you make sure they don't hurt themselves?
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 80706" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Jules, most of us here know how exhausting this is. If I could make a few suggestions, it would be to treat him like a child who is ill and you're waiting to find out the answers. </p><p></p><p>Assume that he *can't* get control of himself, not that he *won't* get control of himself. </p><p></p><p>When difficult child kiddos are in the state you are describing, they don't get the lesson you are trying to teach. Save lessons for calmer, more stable times. Right now go for safety and meltdown prevention. </p><p></p><p>The attitudes and actions of ODD kids frequently revolve around the fact that they want to be in charge and genuinely believe they have the power to do so. The sooner you understand this and accept it and learn how to work with that mentality in a way that doesn't assume that the parent is in control, the better the going will be. Everything in our parenting training and role modeling revolved around the idea that the child would naturally come around to compliance through the application of love, training, gentle pressure, and consequences. Nothing prepares us to parent a child who claims "I am the ruler of this house." like my difficult child once did. He was dead serious. Most of us wind up throwing away virtually everything we thought we knew about successful parenting and creating a new picture.</p><p></p><p>Avoid punishments during this time until you get a grasp on what's going on--they probably haven't worked well up to now or you wouldn't be here. Stop doing things that aren't working and be willing to give up and change tactics in the middle of something that isn't working (such as the case with the time out tonight). This isn't a time to stick to your guns if doing so is only making him worse.</p><p></p><p>Make prevention your priority. If you see him starting to lose it, try something to distract or to intervene to help the frustration. Sometimes something as simple as a Tic-Tac or a juice box can head off a major meltdown. Look for other things that work that you can put into place at the drop of the hat. For instance, removing my difficult child from the scene helped a great deal so when we saw trouble coming my husband and I had an arrangement that one of us would drop everything and take difficult child out for awhile--maybe to the bookstore cafe or to wander around Toys 'R Us (the location wasn't important, breaking the rage was). When difficult child was going through a very unstable period we had a routine we would go into of bringing a small portable tv into his room and letting him watch a non-violent show. I set him up in his bean bag chair with a weighted blanket, a juice box for sucking (all sensory calming) and a comforting snack such as crackers and peanut butter. The rule was that the sibs were to stay out (reduces likelihood of conflict). At first I would direct difficult child to this routine but eventually he would ask himself for it as he felt himself losing control. </p><p></p><p>If things are really bad and you can't get an appointment moved up sometimes having your pediatrician call to intervene can do the trick.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there--it's a tough time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 80706, member: 701"] Jules, most of us here know how exhausting this is. If I could make a few suggestions, it would be to treat him like a child who is ill and you're waiting to find out the answers. Assume that he *can't* get control of himself, not that he *won't* get control of himself. When difficult child kiddos are in the state you are describing, they don't get the lesson you are trying to teach. Save lessons for calmer, more stable times. Right now go for safety and meltdown prevention. The attitudes and actions of ODD kids frequently revolve around the fact that they want to be in charge and genuinely believe they have the power to do so. The sooner you understand this and accept it and learn how to work with that mentality in a way that doesn't assume that the parent is in control, the better the going will be. Everything in our parenting training and role modeling revolved around the idea that the child would naturally come around to compliance through the application of love, training, gentle pressure, and consequences. Nothing prepares us to parent a child who claims "I am the ruler of this house." like my difficult child once did. He was dead serious. Most of us wind up throwing away virtually everything we thought we knew about successful parenting and creating a new picture. Avoid punishments during this time until you get a grasp on what's going on--they probably haven't worked well up to now or you wouldn't be here. Stop doing things that aren't working and be willing to give up and change tactics in the middle of something that isn't working (such as the case with the time out tonight). This isn't a time to stick to your guns if doing so is only making him worse. Make prevention your priority. If you see him starting to lose it, try something to distract or to intervene to help the frustration. Sometimes something as simple as a Tic-Tac or a juice box can head off a major meltdown. Look for other things that work that you can put into place at the drop of the hat. For instance, removing my difficult child from the scene helped a great deal so when we saw trouble coming my husband and I had an arrangement that one of us would drop everything and take difficult child out for awhile--maybe to the bookstore cafe or to wander around Toys 'R Us (the location wasn't important, breaking the rage was). When difficult child was going through a very unstable period we had a routine we would go into of bringing a small portable tv into his room and letting him watch a non-violent show. I set him up in his bean bag chair with a weighted blanket, a juice box for sucking (all sensory calming) and a comforting snack such as crackers and peanut butter. The rule was that the sibs were to stay out (reduces likelihood of conflict). At first I would direct difficult child to this routine but eventually he would ask himself for it as he felt himself losing control. If things are really bad and you can't get an appointment moved up sometimes having your pediatrician call to intervene can do the trick. Hang in there--it's a tough time. [/QUOTE]
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