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Substance Abuse
How do you stop living in fear over what could happen to your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 495075" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>LMS,</p><p></p><p>I love you, you know that. Now.....</p><p></p><p>YOU CAN'T HELP HIM!</p><p></p><p>He has to help himself. The only plan you can have is how to take care of yourself so you do not get sucked down the same hole he seems to find himself in and so that you are there for your other children. Your family deserves to have a mom who is not constantly consumed with worry over her son who can't seem to figure out how to be a productive member of society.</p><p></p><p>This is by far the hardest thing you will have to learn how to do. It takes guts and a lot of ignoring the panic feeling that will come over you in the quiet moments when you think about his future. It takes a support group either from al-anon or family or church friends or here to start learning how to accept the fact that you cannot control him. </p><p></p><p>You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. But you can learn to cope with it.</p><p></p><p>I have this hanging on my fridge:</p><p></p><p>"We are living the way we choose to live, and they are living the way they choose to live. We didn't make them live this was, they chose it and they are the only ones that can choose to do it differently."</p><p></p><p>Some very wise member of this board said that to me when I was in my deepest despair over difficult child living with druggies. I couldn't eat, sleep or ever enjoy life. I finally had to give it up. I had to come to the realization that she may die, that she may never get help, but that I had done all I could and all I could do now was point her in the right direction to help. The rest was up to her. She was drinking, using drugs, living from flop house to flop house, had no job, no money, was stripping in a dance club, was stripping for private poker parties, met guys in the strip club and went to their apartment only to discover they were bad people, was beat up by some punk who told us he now onwed her, it goes on and on. </p><p></p><p>I vowed I was going to continue living and put my faith in the rock bottom theory.</p><p></p><p>(((((Many hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 495075, member: 59"] LMS, I love you, you know that. Now..... YOU CAN'T HELP HIM! He has to help himself. The only plan you can have is how to take care of yourself so you do not get sucked down the same hole he seems to find himself in and so that you are there for your other children. Your family deserves to have a mom who is not constantly consumed with worry over her son who can't seem to figure out how to be a productive member of society. This is by far the hardest thing you will have to learn how to do. It takes guts and a lot of ignoring the panic feeling that will come over you in the quiet moments when you think about his future. It takes a support group either from al-anon or family or church friends or here to start learning how to accept the fact that you cannot control him. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. But you can learn to cope with it. I have this hanging on my fridge: "We are living the way we choose to live, and they are living the way they choose to live. We didn't make them live this was, they chose it and they are the only ones that can choose to do it differently." Some very wise member of this board said that to me when I was in my deepest despair over difficult child living with druggies. I couldn't eat, sleep or ever enjoy life. I finally had to give it up. I had to come to the realization that she may die, that she may never get help, but that I had done all I could and all I could do now was point her in the right direction to help. The rest was up to her. She was drinking, using drugs, living from flop house to flop house, had no job, no money, was stripping in a dance club, was stripping for private poker parties, met guys in the strip club and went to their apartment only to discover they were bad people, was beat up by some punk who told us he now onwed her, it goes on and on. I vowed I was going to continue living and put my faith in the rock bottom theory. (((((Many hugs))))) Nancy [/QUOTE]
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How do you stop living in fear over what could happen to your difficult child?
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