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How does one not take it so personal?
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 369503" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>Wakeupcall, I read your posting, and my heart goes out to you. My son had encopresis from the age of four and a half until about thirteen and a half, so I know what you are going through. There were days when he would poop in his pants ten times, which meant ten times he had to shower off and change underpants and pants. When I look back at it now, I don't know where I had the strength to survive it. Today he is almost 24, still living at home (he's my youngest child, I'm 65 now). I used to belong to a support group of parents for children with encopresis which was run through emails but which has since closed. I cannot tell you how much that helped me, because until I discovered it when he was about 9 or 10 years old, I thought we were the only people in the world coping with that problem. My children's doctor was completely unhelpful and he never got examined or treated for encopresis. I'm sure you can find support groups today on the Net.</p><p></p><p>That support group then saved my life. I learned that many people were coping with the problem of encopresis, and I also learned that in almost every case, it just vanishes in puberty, i.e. at around the age of 13 or 14. I don't know why, but that's what happened with my difficult child too. In all the years of corresponding with people about encopresis, I only came across one grown person who still suffered from that condition.</p><p></p><p>We developed a system of coping with the encopresis on a day-to-day basis at home. I'm sure you have your own system, but if you have specific questions, please don't hesitate to ask and I will willingly share my experience with you. There are quite a lot of us here on the board who have coped or are coping with encopresis, so please feel free to air your frustration about it.</p><p></p><p>By the way, once the encopresis passed, my difficult child became a cleanliness freak -- i.e., he can shower three times a day sometimes, and he changes his clothes a lot. I do not grumble about this, because I realise it is a reaction to what he went through when he had no control over it. And he still suffers slightly from constipation, and when he goes, it can almost block the toilet because he waits two or three days in-between. But he cleans out the toilet bowl with bleach these days. It's really quite amazing.</p><p></p><p>He also used to be up till about three every morning, usually screaming at us (husband and me) and throwing things, and cursing. The neighbors used to ask my husband if our son hit him, they were so nasty! So I truly sympathise with you.</p><p></p><p>Try to remember that he truly cannot help the encopresis, and is probably much more frustrated about it than you are. If he treats it with bravado, believe me that he is just trying to put a brave face on it. Just imagine the social suffering he must be undergoing! I know it's hard, but he has to know that you do not judge him for the encopresis. Just love him, and provide him with the clothes he needs to change into and let him feel like a "mensch" -- that's a word in Yiddish but it means to feel like a decent human being. He needs to feel that, and not to be punished for it, since he can't help it, by this stage the nerve endings at the anus end of his bowels have probably lost all ability to send out warning or full signals because they have been so squashed by the extended bowel.</p><p></p><p>Sorry -- this is a subject that I can go on and on about, I'll stop now. You have my complete and utter sympathy, and I send you a big hug.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 369503, member: 77"] Wakeupcall, I read your posting, and my heart goes out to you. My son had encopresis from the age of four and a half until about thirteen and a half, so I know what you are going through. There were days when he would poop in his pants ten times, which meant ten times he had to shower off and change underpants and pants. When I look back at it now, I don't know where I had the strength to survive it. Today he is almost 24, still living at home (he's my youngest child, I'm 65 now). I used to belong to a support group of parents for children with encopresis which was run through emails but which has since closed. I cannot tell you how much that helped me, because until I discovered it when he was about 9 or 10 years old, I thought we were the only people in the world coping with that problem. My children's doctor was completely unhelpful and he never got examined or treated for encopresis. I'm sure you can find support groups today on the Net. That support group then saved my life. I learned that many people were coping with the problem of encopresis, and I also learned that in almost every case, it just vanishes in puberty, i.e. at around the age of 13 or 14. I don't know why, but that's what happened with my difficult child too. In all the years of corresponding with people about encopresis, I only came across one grown person who still suffered from that condition. We developed a system of coping with the encopresis on a day-to-day basis at home. I'm sure you have your own system, but if you have specific questions, please don't hesitate to ask and I will willingly share my experience with you. There are quite a lot of us here on the board who have coped or are coping with encopresis, so please feel free to air your frustration about it. By the way, once the encopresis passed, my difficult child became a cleanliness freak -- i.e., he can shower three times a day sometimes, and he changes his clothes a lot. I do not grumble about this, because I realise it is a reaction to what he went through when he had no control over it. And he still suffers slightly from constipation, and when he goes, it can almost block the toilet because he waits two or three days in-between. But he cleans out the toilet bowl with bleach these days. It's really quite amazing. He also used to be up till about three every morning, usually screaming at us (husband and me) and throwing things, and cursing. The neighbors used to ask my husband if our son hit him, they were so nasty! So I truly sympathise with you. Try to remember that he truly cannot help the encopresis, and is probably much more frustrated about it than you are. If he treats it with bravado, believe me that he is just trying to put a brave face on it. Just imagine the social suffering he must be undergoing! I know it's hard, but he has to know that you do not judge him for the encopresis. Just love him, and provide him with the clothes he needs to change into and let him feel like a "mensch" -- that's a word in Yiddish but it means to feel like a decent human being. He needs to feel that, and not to be punished for it, since he can't help it, by this stage the nerve endings at the anus end of his bowels have probably lost all ability to send out warning or full signals because they have been so squashed by the extended bowel. Sorry -- this is a subject that I can go on and on about, I'll stop now. You have my complete and utter sympathy, and I send you a big hug. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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