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How have your experiences with difficult child kids changed you?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630667" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I've gone through more emotions and experiences and dramas then I thought it possible to do.</p><p>I've cried rivers of tears, been weighted down and almost drowned in guilt and sorrow.</p><p>I had rages that I thought might in fact kill me.</p><p>I hit stress levels I didn't even know existed and had more sleepless nights then I can count.</p><p>My disappointments, frustrations, embarrassments, resentments, incredulousness and just plain despair were off the charts.</p><p>I often could not distinguish between love and hate, caring and indifference, taking care of and enabling.</p><p>I felt isolated, desperate, shocked, scared and in states of fear I thought I would not recover from.</p><p></p><p>And, I lived through all of it.</p><p></p><p>Getting through all of that freed me from the chains of misery caused by believing I can in any way change another human being. That I have any control over anything another does, thinks, believes, experiences, chooses or feels.</p><p></p><p>I've learned to allow, to let go, to receive, to be open, to judge less, to have compassion, to be willing and mostly, to accept.</p><p></p><p>I made different choices I didn't know I could make, with help from professionals, and it changed my life.</p><p>I learned to make boundaries another person had no right to move beyond and protected them with a ferocity that empowered me.</p><p>The boundaries defined a new presence in every part of my life which changed all my dynamics and brought out a strength and conviction I had not had before.</p><p>I became clear about what I was willing to do with my daughter and what I was not willing to do, which also translated to the rest of my life.</p><p>I learned to communicate with conviction and certainty leaving no loopholes or lack of clarity.</p><p>I stopped feeling guilty.</p><p>I focused on my own needs as a priority, not as a last resort.</p><p>I learned how to speak very directly, very honestly and with certainty about what I wanted, what made me unhappy and what I was NOT willing to tolerate..........with everyone.</p><p>I looked my difficult child in the eyes and told her what her life has done to my life, which, in my opinion, is what allowed me to let go and perhaps, allowed her to emerge out of where she was.</p><p>i learned a language which seems to support others on similar journeys.</p><p>I learned compassion for my difficult child without it meaning i had to DO anything about it.</p><p>I learned to respect and honor what I want.</p><p>I learned courage.</p><p>I learned how to love and let go.</p><p></p><p>My life has changed in miraculous ways.</p><p></p><p>I am the most REAL I have ever been, the most authentic me, the me without defenses........ vulnerable, messy, soft around the edges, open hearted and not only available for, but ready and open for change.</p><p></p><p>It's been a helluva ride.</p><p></p><p>I'm extremely grateful that even though it may never be entirely over................it ceases to harm me, it's become neutralized in almost every way. I think neutralized because of the truth being seen, expressed and heard. </p><p></p><p>And, at least for today, I am free.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630667, member: 13542"] I've gone through more emotions and experiences and dramas then I thought it possible to do. I've cried rivers of tears, been weighted down and almost drowned in guilt and sorrow. I had rages that I thought might in fact kill me. I hit stress levels I didn't even know existed and had more sleepless nights then I can count. My disappointments, frustrations, embarrassments, resentments, incredulousness and just plain despair were off the charts. I often could not distinguish between love and hate, caring and indifference, taking care of and enabling. I felt isolated, desperate, shocked, scared and in states of fear I thought I would not recover from. And, I lived through all of it. Getting through all of that freed me from the chains of misery caused by believing I can in any way change another human being. That I have any control over anything another does, thinks, believes, experiences, chooses or feels. I've learned to allow, to let go, to receive, to be open, to judge less, to have compassion, to be willing and mostly, to accept. I made different choices I didn't know I could make, with help from professionals, and it changed my life. I learned to make boundaries another person had no right to move beyond and protected them with a ferocity that empowered me. The boundaries defined a new presence in every part of my life which changed all my dynamics and brought out a strength and conviction I had not had before. I became clear about what I was willing to do with my daughter and what I was not willing to do, which also translated to the rest of my life. I learned to communicate with conviction and certainty leaving no loopholes or lack of clarity. I stopped feeling guilty. I focused on my own needs as a priority, not as a last resort. I learned how to speak very directly, very honestly and with certainty about what I wanted, what made me unhappy and what I was NOT willing to tolerate..........with everyone. I looked my difficult child in the eyes and told her what her life has done to my life, which, in my opinion, is what allowed me to let go and perhaps, allowed her to emerge out of where she was. i learned a language which seems to support others on similar journeys. I learned compassion for my difficult child without it meaning i had to DO anything about it. I learned to respect and honor what I want. I learned courage. I learned how to love and let go. My life has changed in miraculous ways. I am the most REAL I have ever been, the most authentic me, the me without defenses........ vulnerable, messy, soft around the edges, open hearted and not only available for, but ready and open for change. It's been a helluva ride. I'm extremely grateful that even though it may never be entirely over................it ceases to harm me, it's become neutralized in almost every way. I think neutralized because of the truth being seen, expressed and heard. And, at least for today, I am free. [/QUOTE]
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