I chose my son and I am divorced. My husband was of the he's-18-now-I-don't-have-to-support-him mind. Our son was so agoro- and social phobic he wouldn't go to a drive-in window to buy himself lunch. I was suppose to make him leave and live on his own? Yeah, right. It didn't help that there was violence between them. Ex knew son was sick, knew that the drugs had made things worse but still believed that the way to deal with it was physical domination and intimidation.
Now my son lives in CA and I live in PA and my ex lives ....somewhere. I miss my son but I am so proud of him for living on his own. I would rather be poor and alone than live the rest of my life with someone who could turn his back on his own sick child.
ETA: My son has had no contact with his father for over two years and has no desire to. He's trying to learn not to hate.