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How many are divorced?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 71882" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>When my difficult child (then a total easy child) was small, I had a pediatrician advise me to keep the focus in our family on our marriage. He said that it wasn't good for kids to feel that they are the center of the world (family) because then they grow up expecting the rest of the world to see them as the center of the world.</p><p></p><p>He also said it was good for kids to feel like they were part of a family with a strong marriage. </p><p></p><p>I think that advice works best for parents with easy child's since difficult child issues tend to thrust themselves into the limelight. However, throughout the drama and chaos that having a difficult child brought into our lives, I always remembered what the pediatrician said. Although there were times the marriage was strained, we never got to the point where we thought that divorce was the answer.</p><p></p><p>Our solution was taking turns at handling the difficult child problems ~ sort of like tag-teaming. When it got too much for me, I would retreat and turn it over to husband and vice versa. We didn't always agree with what the other was doing but we respected the decisions.</p><p></p><p>Another factor was the realization that although it seems hard to believe at the time, difficult children and easy child's do grow up and move away eventually. And we have probably another 30 years of life ahead without children in our lives. I'm glad that I have husband to spend that time with.</p><p></p><p>I probably would have felt different if it was a step-parent, though. It would have been much harder to trust husband to do the right thing with difficult child. I also would have felt very differently if my husband was abusive in any way.</p><p></p><p>A recent book that I posted about, <em>Beyond the Mommy Years</em>, pointed out that we are parents of adult children far longer than we are hands-on parents. I think it is important to remember that there is life beyond active parenting.</p><p></p><p>by the way, at a recent dinner with both difficult child and easy child, I made a joke about divorcing husband. Both of them stopped eating, looked at us, and difficult child said, "you aren't serious, are you?" It surprised me at how much the thought of it upset them ~ even though they are grown and on their own. I told them that I was just joking and they both looked very relieved.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 71882, member: 1967"] When my difficult child (then a total easy child) was small, I had a pediatrician advise me to keep the focus in our family on our marriage. He said that it wasn't good for kids to feel that they are the center of the world (family) because then they grow up expecting the rest of the world to see them as the center of the world. He also said it was good for kids to feel like they were part of a family with a strong marriage. I think that advice works best for parents with easy child's since difficult child issues tend to thrust themselves into the limelight. However, throughout the drama and chaos that having a difficult child brought into our lives, I always remembered what the pediatrician said. Although there were times the marriage was strained, we never got to the point where we thought that divorce was the answer. Our solution was taking turns at handling the difficult child problems ~ sort of like tag-teaming. When it got too much for me, I would retreat and turn it over to husband and vice versa. We didn't always agree with what the other was doing but we respected the decisions. Another factor was the realization that although it seems hard to believe at the time, difficult children and easy child's do grow up and move away eventually. And we have probably another 30 years of life ahead without children in our lives. I'm glad that I have husband to spend that time with. I probably would have felt different if it was a step-parent, though. It would have been much harder to trust husband to do the right thing with difficult child. I also would have felt very differently if my husband was abusive in any way. A recent book that I posted about, [i]Beyond the Mommy Years[/i], pointed out that we are parents of adult children far longer than we are hands-on parents. I think it is important to remember that there is life beyond active parenting. by the way, at a recent dinner with both difficult child and easy child, I made a joke about divorcing husband. Both of them stopped eating, looked at us, and difficult child said, "you aren't serious, are you?" It surprised me at how much the thought of it upset them ~ even though they are grown and on their own. I told them that I was just joking and they both looked very relieved. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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