I was told by a very wise, yet young psychiatrist to always plan for my children to leave home. She too recommended not having the children as the center of our lives but have them as integral players.
I used to say I have an autocratic household but with democratic principles.
My husband is a type A person who never really bought into the ADHD or the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis...at first. He would have preferred our difficult child 1 had a physical impairment or something he could really sink his teeth into rather than a mental diagnosis.
It wasn't until we needed to keep difficult child on our insurance that he finally read the psychiatrists report and in the black/white language that was used....he finally got it. Unfortunately difficult child was 22 years old.
One of the biggest mistakes I made as a parent though is not becoming as educated as I could have been about the diagnosis and then not discussing with my husband an appropriate parenting style that was comfortable for both of us. I also should have held difficult child 1 more accountable for his actions.
The world and the law do not care if someone has mental illness. If they break the law there are consequences. Sometimes the guilty party has to go to the hospital first, but they too pay for their crimes.
husband and I are still married. Although, I contemplated divorce twice. I hated when I thought I was being forced to chose between my children and my husband. My most recent time was when I found this board.
This may sound like a cliche', but men and women do think differently. Because of that it's sometimes hard for men to see and to react appropriately when their child is not "normal".
difficult child's take a toll on marriage and people in general.
