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How many of you have had to rearrange your life ..
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar I" data-source="post: 44086" data-attributes="member: 3755"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Fran</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I was humbled. </div></div></p><p></p><p>That is how I perceive what happened to me, too. Humbled beyond feeling good about much of anything I had done. Shamed, then. And that is true. I felt I had been smug, had missed something important or done something so wrong that difficult child had no other option than to behave as he did. I felt it was my responsibility to search it out, whatever it was, and correct it at whatever cost to myself or my marriage. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance has been almost impossible for me. I had to recreate almost every facet of self until I could come back to the mother in me and accept that what happened never went away and never got better and it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Throughout that whole battle, I was depressed. I was not only desperate to find the answer, but fixated on finding that key, that perect solution to how to change difficult child back.</p><p></p><p>But now, just lately, I am beginning to get it that difficult child is not the victim of poor parenting or circumstance. He is choosing this lifestyle again and again. When it gets him in trouble, he calls for money or comes home.</p><p></p><p>But he still wants to do what he does. When he has come home, the cynicsm and sense of entitlement are frightening, unbelieveable things to see and accept. </p><p></p><p>This is such a simple step for so many of us. Those who are able to tell themselves the truth from the beginning do better with it, I think.</p><p></p><p>Now that I am telling myself the truth ~ that difficult child is capable of making a choice and is doing just that ~ I am feeling much better than I have in a long time.</p><p></p><p>So I am happy for your sake, hearthope. I smiled when I read that you and husband are coming back together.</p><p></p><p>That is wonderful.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar I, post: 44086, member: 3755"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Fran</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I was humbled. </div></div> That is how I perceive what happened to me, too. Humbled beyond feeling good about much of anything I had done. Shamed, then. And that is true. I felt I had been smug, had missed something important or done something so wrong that difficult child had no other option than to behave as he did. I felt it was my responsibility to search it out, whatever it was, and correct it at whatever cost to myself or my marriage. Acceptance has been almost impossible for me. I had to recreate almost every facet of self until I could come back to the mother in me and accept that what happened never went away and never got better and it is what it is. Throughout that whole battle, I was depressed. I was not only desperate to find the answer, but fixated on finding that key, that perect solution to how to change difficult child back. But now, just lately, I am beginning to get it that difficult child is not the victim of poor parenting or circumstance. He is choosing this lifestyle again and again. When it gets him in trouble, he calls for money or comes home. But he still wants to do what he does. When he has come home, the cynicsm and sense of entitlement are frightening, unbelieveable things to see and accept. This is such a simple step for so many of us. Those who are able to tell themselves the truth from the beginning do better with it, I think. Now that I am telling myself the truth ~ that difficult child is capable of making a choice and is doing just that ~ I am feeling much better than I have in a long time. So I am happy for your sake, hearthope. I smiled when I read that you and husband are coming back together. That is wonderful. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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