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Family of Origin
How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667452" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Then she is here.</p><p></p><p>I have had one dream about my father since his death. I am certain it was my father, telling me things I needed to know. But it was in the language of dreams. I could not understand the things he was telling me until they then happened.</p><p></p><p>And it was exactly as he had shown me in the dream Copa, to the smallest detail.</p><p></p><p>In the dream, he gave me two hand painted porcelain salad spoons. The spoons match two that I already had. He took them out of a medium sized paper bag that was all he had with him as he left on a battered little pontoon boat only big enough to carry one person. And he said, "She will need these."</p><p></p><p>Not, "You will need these.", Copa. </p><p></p><p>"She will need these."</p><p></p><p>And he wasn't even talking to me. He just said what he said.</p><p></p><p>He didn't hug me, or approach me, or cry. I think he did not look into my eyes, in the dream. It is as though his attention was ~ I don't know how to explain it, Copa. As though my father had taken some intentional action, or was determinedly breaking a rule somehow, or was taking time away from some true purpose, to see that I received what was required.</p><p></p><p>As though it were his responsibility and his honor and his right to do so.</p><p></p><p>As though he had chosen to take this action out of time.</p><p></p><p>For the longest time, I thought he was telling me what my mother would need.</p><p></p><p>He was talking about me, Copa.</p><p></p><p>The dream is unfolding to this day.</p><p></p><p>Almost always, I can feel my father. But he feels like an essence of himself.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, that is the love he loved me with while he was alive that I feel. It comforts me, and I am not sad for him. Wherever it is that we go when we die, he went there. I don't feel him alive, but I feel him timeless in the sense of that energy he and I shared.</p><p></p><p>I also feel he is not there anymore in any real sense.</p><p></p><p>Time is a mystery.</p><p></p><p>It is not a linear thing, like it seems to be, to us. So that feeling of my father is a living,unchanging kind of energy feeling in all times at once. It is a separate thing from who he is really. It's like that saying: We are less human beings having a spiritual experience than spiritual beings, having a human one.</p><p></p><p>It's like that; it has that feel to it.</p><p></p><p>A mystery so simple and true.</p><p></p><p>In that sense, your mother is here with you.</p><p></p><p>My father feels very much like my father, but different. When I am angry with him about FOO matters, I am angry with him. And it does matter, and it makes no difference, at the same time.</p><p></p><p>So then, we go into the tapestry weaving and being woven. The colors for him are vibrantly alive, but they are separate from me now in some way I cannot describe exactly, either.</p><p></p><p>That is all I know, about these matters.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Okay. So I think what it is is that your mother has gone on ~ that part of her that wasn't really your mother, but who watched your mother become a mother. But the energy created between the two of you, between your mother and yourself, that energy is still here because you are still here.</p><p></p><p>So now I am getting beyond myself again.</p><p></p><p>But it's something like that Copa. Something about how we understand time; something about everything, at the heart of it, being only energy.</p><p></p><p>That is what Einstein was saying in E=Mc squared.</p><p></p><p>Vibes.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667452, member: 17461"] Then she is here. I have had one dream about my father since his death. I am certain it was my father, telling me things I needed to know. But it was in the language of dreams. I could not understand the things he was telling me until they then happened. And it was exactly as he had shown me in the dream Copa, to the smallest detail. In the dream, he gave me two hand painted porcelain salad spoons. The spoons match two that I already had. He took them out of a medium sized paper bag that was all he had with him as he left on a battered little pontoon boat only big enough to carry one person. And he said, "She will need these." Not, "You will need these.", Copa. "She will need these." And he wasn't even talking to me. He just said what he said. He didn't hug me, or approach me, or cry. I think he did not look into my eyes, in the dream. It is as though his attention was ~ I don't know how to explain it, Copa. As though my father had taken some intentional action, or was determinedly breaking a rule somehow, or was taking time away from some true purpose, to see that I received what was required. As though it were his responsibility and his honor and his right to do so. As though he had chosen to take this action out of time. For the longest time, I thought he was telling me what my mother would need. He was talking about me, Copa. The dream is unfolding to this day. Almost always, I can feel my father. But he feels like an essence of himself. Maybe, that is the love he loved me with while he was alive that I feel. It comforts me, and I am not sad for him. Wherever it is that we go when we die, he went there. I don't feel him alive, but I feel him timeless in the sense of that energy he and I shared. I also feel he is not there anymore in any real sense. Time is a mystery. It is not a linear thing, like it seems to be, to us. So that feeling of my father is a living,unchanging kind of energy feeling in all times at once. It is a separate thing from who he is really. It's like that saying: We are less human beings having a spiritual experience than spiritual beings, having a human one. It's like that; it has that feel to it. A mystery so simple and true. In that sense, your mother is here with you. My father feels very much like my father, but different. When I am angry with him about FOO matters, I am angry with him. And it does matter, and it makes no difference, at the same time. So then, we go into the tapestry weaving and being woven. The colors for him are vibrantly alive, but they are separate from me now in some way I cannot describe exactly, either. That is all I know, about these matters. Cedar Okay. So I think what it is is that your mother has gone on ~ that part of her that wasn't really your mother, but who watched your mother become a mother. But the energy created between the two of you, between your mother and yourself, that energy is still here because you are still here. So now I am getting beyond myself again. But it's something like that Copa. Something about how we understand time; something about everything, at the heart of it, being only energy. That is what Einstein was saying in E=Mc squared. Vibes. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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How much did you cry? And do you think they cried over you?
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