Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
how much to ''help'' grown kids????
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 444442" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If they are not married I would tell her that until she gets a child support order in place she is out of luck. That goes for the fathers of the other kids if he is not the father. Then, if she won't enforce the order she clearly doesn't NEED any help. If they are married it is a bit different. If they are CHOOSING to have him be a SAHD (stay at home dad) then they need a BUDGET and to follow it to pay off the debts before they get any assistance. Either way, she NEEDS a budget. If they have other creditors like doctors, credit cards, etc.... then they need credit counseling and the $$ they owe you needs to be figured into that debt. Let her know taht while bankruptcy may help the other debts, money owed to family cannot be discharged that way. Let her know you need to see monthly payments on the debts before ANY help is given. </p><p></p><p>We had a problem because my husband got cards I didn't know about and spent $$ on stuff I was totally unaware of. We always had a budget and I worked HARD to live within it even when not working (lots of the time, largely because no daycare would take Wiz or we couldn't afford daycare for 3 kids - it was less expensive for me to be a frugal stay at home mom than a full time working mom paying child care - even with a college degree. But he racked up debt on stupid things and then would hide from teh debts instead of telling me and stopping the services. Credit counseling really saved us. Finding a GOOD credit counseling service would be a lifesaver. even if they don't, they NEED to get and stick to a budget.</p><p></p><p>I would totally refuse to help, including expecting rent while she and the kids stay with you to cover the food and increased utility bills, unless/until she agrees to work with a professional to deal with her debts and her budget so this is the LAST time the kids go through this. Sadly, you will have to follow through and refuse help for all things or at least the things not directly related to baby care if she won't agree. in my humble opinion getting child support and a custody order so he cannot just take off with the kids if he gets mad would be hard for her but is what the children need to protect them. IF she chooses to support his lazy ass that is her choice but shouldn't be her kids' problem. </p><p></p><p>It won't be easy, but look at how Hound Dog is having to limit what she can do for her grandkids because the parents' refusal to be responsible. The longer you are taking care of these problems the longer it will take your daughter to grow up and be responsible. I am so sorry it has to be that way. Parenting hoovers sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 444442, member: 1233"] If they are not married I would tell her that until she gets a child support order in place she is out of luck. That goes for the fathers of the other kids if he is not the father. Then, if she won't enforce the order she clearly doesn't NEED any help. If they are married it is a bit different. If they are CHOOSING to have him be a SAHD (stay at home dad) then they need a BUDGET and to follow it to pay off the debts before they get any assistance. Either way, she NEEDS a budget. If they have other creditors like doctors, credit cards, etc.... then they need credit counseling and the $$ they owe you needs to be figured into that debt. Let her know taht while bankruptcy may help the other debts, money owed to family cannot be discharged that way. Let her know you need to see monthly payments on the debts before ANY help is given. We had a problem because my husband got cards I didn't know about and spent $$ on stuff I was totally unaware of. We always had a budget and I worked HARD to live within it even when not working (lots of the time, largely because no daycare would take Wiz or we couldn't afford daycare for 3 kids - it was less expensive for me to be a frugal stay at home mom than a full time working mom paying child care - even with a college degree. But he racked up debt on stupid things and then would hide from teh debts instead of telling me and stopping the services. Credit counseling really saved us. Finding a GOOD credit counseling service would be a lifesaver. even if they don't, they NEED to get and stick to a budget. I would totally refuse to help, including expecting rent while she and the kids stay with you to cover the food and increased utility bills, unless/until she agrees to work with a professional to deal with her debts and her budget so this is the LAST time the kids go through this. Sadly, you will have to follow through and refuse help for all things or at least the things not directly related to baby care if she won't agree. in my humble opinion getting child support and a custody order so he cannot just take off with the kids if he gets mad would be hard for her but is what the children need to protect them. IF she chooses to support his lazy ass that is her choice but shouldn't be her kids' problem. It won't be easy, but look at how Hound Dog is having to limit what she can do for her grandkids because the parents' refusal to be responsible. The longer you are taking care of these problems the longer it will take your daughter to grow up and be responsible. I am so sorry it has to be that way. Parenting hoovers sometimes. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
how much to ''help'' grown kids????
Top