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How to cope after crisis with your child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 765286" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>My hubby just retired and it's become crystal clear right now that we have no choice but to put "the situation" aside and live each day to the fullest. Not only that, but I have two friends currently with stage four cancer and it is gut wrenching to observe what they are experiencing. Life is precious. I've said before, we MUST put this situation we are all dealing with on some sort of back burner, no matter how difficult it might be. This goes double once our "special" children reach 18 and there is no doubt at age 21 (if there was some before). We must employ boundaries and detach as much as possible. We are doing that and it's much better. We always try to be polite to her and respect her feelings as appropriate. But, we are not doormats and we respect ourselves and our right to enjoy life to the fullest. "IT" is always there somewhere in the back of our minds...but we push forward and love and enjoy life to the fullest. I also pray a lot and that too has been a balm. I see a therapist as needed...but don't go regularly...I go as needed for however long I feel I need the help/support. This stuff is hard...support is often needed. "Is there a true answer to getting our lives back to normal?" I think so. I know what we have done has been very helpful. I wish it were different, but wishing does nothing. We have done the best we can under extraordinarily difficult circumstances (as we all have here). And I think boundaries and detachment are the top two "helpers," as well as support from those who understand this situation as well as prayer. Remember, it's your God given right (and maybe obligation?) to do your best to keep yourself healthy to the best of your ability and likewise to enjoy this gift of life we've been given. Think of things you might enjoy and explore them. A little vacation. Try a new restaurant. A manicure. A movie. Push yourself a little out of your comfort zone ....it's a good thing. One more thing...I think it's possible that when our adult children see us respecting our health and enjoying life in spite of their antics...it might send them a message on some level that this is something that they should also aspire to do as well. (((Hugs))) Blessings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 765286, member: 4152"] My hubby just retired and it's become crystal clear right now that we have no choice but to put "the situation" aside and live each day to the fullest. Not only that, but I have two friends currently with stage four cancer and it is gut wrenching to observe what they are experiencing. Life is precious. I've said before, we MUST put this situation we are all dealing with on some sort of back burner, no matter how difficult it might be. This goes double once our "special" children reach 18 and there is no doubt at age 21 (if there was some before). We must employ boundaries and detach as much as possible. We are doing that and it's much better. We always try to be polite to her and respect her feelings as appropriate. But, we are not doormats and we respect ourselves and our right to enjoy life to the fullest. "IT" is always there somewhere in the back of our minds...but we push forward and love and enjoy life to the fullest. I also pray a lot and that too has been a balm. I see a therapist as needed...but don't go regularly...I go as needed for however long I feel I need the help/support. This stuff is hard...support is often needed. "Is there a true answer to getting our lives back to normal?" I think so. I know what we have done has been very helpful. I wish it were different, but wishing does nothing. We have done the best we can under extraordinarily difficult circumstances (as we all have here). And I think boundaries and detachment are the top two "helpers," as well as support from those who understand this situation as well as prayer. Remember, it's your God given right (and maybe obligation?) to do your best to keep yourself healthy to the best of your ability and likewise to enjoy this gift of life we've been given. Think of things you might enjoy and explore them. A little vacation. Try a new restaurant. A manicure. A movie. Push yourself a little out of your comfort zone ....it's a good thing. One more thing...I think it's possible that when our adult children see us respecting our health and enjoying life in spite of their antics...it might send them a message on some level that this is something that they should also aspire to do as well. (((Hugs))) Blessings. [/QUOTE]
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