Hi there, wonderful Mom. I am so sorry about your situation. It is very frustrating to watch a loved one keep sabotaging himself. We want to swoop in and help...it can consume us.....but that help doesn't help unfortunately.
I recommend teying Nar Anon maybe in a Zoom meeting (all Zoom meetings are listed online). I go and it teaches us how to take care of ourselves and that we have no control over a loved one's addiction. And we don't. In Nar Anon we say "you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it." We all wish we could fix our. adult children if they go down a dangerous path. None of us can. Even rehab doesn't work unless our addicted loved ones wants it to. And that is up to them. It's not easy...they have yo want it and fight for their sobriety. Doing things for the addict that we think is helpful, such as not allowing them to hit their bottom, doesn't help them. We had to learn to cut out all money, which was very hard. But we did it.
I personally had to get therapy for myself and I also went to NarAnon and still do. The stories about our addicted love ones and how we all almost.killed ourselves trying to fix them is the norm there. But we learn how to let go of the addict and give him or her to a power greater than.ourselves,vwhether that is God or nature or anything/anyone else. Usually by the third meeting the person is talking about what they are doing for THEM and certain examples of how they have set a hard boundary with their loved one. But this is a long process....learning to let them struggle, refusing to put up with abuse and learning to love ourselves enough to put our own welfare first...even above an adult child's. I have heard this story many times in Nar Anon and the people who keep on going tend to go from enabling to letting go and stating that they feel much better, much more at peace.
Look, it took me ten years and a near divorce to finally let go and my daughter. As far as I know, still uses. However the rest of us are doing well and closer than ever. It is 100% on my daughter if she wants to get clean. This is one path nobody can go down with a loved one. It doesn't work with addiction.
My prayer for you is for peace and wisdom and to not feel that you have to fix your child. You can only fix you. We all are in the same boat. Hugs
