Thank you all. I agree with you susiestar that it's a family problem. Only recently I started looking at the way our family has been affected and plays into this situation. I understand logically that certain family dynamics and enabling patterns feed into it. But it's hard not to look at this from a place of shame. It's hard, period... there are so many things I'm ashamed of. We are used to thinking that the way our kids act reflects on us. Sometimes it does, and in other cases it doesn't. My husband refuses to have our son over, even for the holidays, even if he gets clean. He stole from us and it was a major trauma. We know we didn't raise him to be like this. I know it's entirely his choice. But it's hard to really believe it.
Momshope - I agree with you that while they're stuck in this mess, the people we loved are hidden... it's like they've been taken over by some demon. But I hope they still do exist somewhere underneath it all... I hope he does the hard work to find himself again.
Son won't talk to us on the phone (he stopped after we said we won't bail him out). We hope the slow process gets faster and that he gets to rehab as soon as possible. His sentencing has been scheduled for three weeks from now. I keep reminding myself that he's off drugs right now, has a roof over his head, and gets three meals a day.
I'm going to my first Nar Anon meeting tomorrow. Wish me luck.
