Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to deal with the entitled attitude, financial stuff with difficult child
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 644175" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, you need to get rid of the tantrums. You can tell him he has to leave the house until he calms down. Of course if he gets violent, call the police. Or YOU can leave the house every time he tries to badger you.</p><p></p><p>Now if you are so afraid of him that you think he may hurt you or deface your property, you probably need to go to a domestic abuse shelter for help because you are living with an abusive person, your son. They have great, free counseling and will help empower you and there is even counseling for him. I volunteered at a woman's shelter. It is not just for adults with abusive spouses OR physical abuse. It is for women who are being abused by anyone in any way. If necessary you can get shelter there and protect yourself, although in my opinion it is your son who should go if he is truly scary. You should not be afraid in your own castle. It is not his house, it is your house. </p><p></p><p>All moms should think about this. If you are afraid to put your foot down because you are afraid of any sort of abuse from your adult or near adult child, seek our help at the domestic abuse shelter. It is insane to hand out money you don't have or don't want to hand out because you are afraid of your own child. It is so wrong, but it happens. A tantrum where things are banged and broken is a form of violence. I did not realize this until, yes, therapy. I was told the fear of violence or atmosphere of violence is abuse, even if the person does not touch you. Also, it often does eventually turn to violence if the person does not get exasctly what he wants from you. Is it good for your adult child or anyone's child to have you afraid of them so that you will do their bidding? </p><p></p><p>Violence is not something I would live with. Words can also have aggression and violence in them.</p><p></p><p>"I will k ill you."</p><p></p><p>"I will slash your tires."</p><p></p><p>"I will get my friends after you."</p><p></p><p>"I swear, you will pay for this if you don't do it."</p><p></p><p>This is threats and violence. My father used to do this. Also, for emphasis, he would throw things hard. That is violence. You can go to a shelter for help if your child is violent. This advice is not just for Oragami, although it is because of her thread. It is for everyone. </p><p></p><p>If the reason you are giving stuff to your grown kid is because he/she will flip out and maybe destroy things, scream abuse at you or deface your property...your chlid is an abuser and violent. You need to think about what you want to do about it, but it is no more comfortable to live with that than to live with a threatening abusive spouse. There is no difference. It is scary either way.</p><p></p><p>You should not have to be AFRAID to set boundaries with your adult children. Even if they don't like what they do, most adult children DO NOT GET ABUSIVE. They may stomp to their rooms a nd shut their door, but they get over it. Abuse is abuse and, yes, many of us live with abusive grown or almost grown children. I did not even know it at one time. I did not know a child could abuse his parent, no matter how old he was. And I did not realize that violent words, actions and threats were actual violence, but they have the same spooky affect on us as actually getting hit. And they are often a prelude to just that.</p><p></p><p>Nobody, nobody deserves to have to be afraid of his own child. Something needs to change. You, as the abused, need to decide what to do. If anything. Some people live with abuse for long, long periods of time. in my opinion, it is sad, but everyone has to do what they do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 644175, member: 1550"] Well, you need to get rid of the tantrums. You can tell him he has to leave the house until he calms down. Of course if he gets violent, call the police. Or YOU can leave the house every time he tries to badger you. Now if you are so afraid of him that you think he may hurt you or deface your property, you probably need to go to a domestic abuse shelter for help because you are living with an abusive person, your son. They have great, free counseling and will help empower you and there is even counseling for him. I volunteered at a woman's shelter. It is not just for adults with abusive spouses OR physical abuse. It is for women who are being abused by anyone in any way. If necessary you can get shelter there and protect yourself, although in my opinion it is your son who should go if he is truly scary. You should not be afraid in your own castle. It is not his house, it is your house. All moms should think about this. If you are afraid to put your foot down because you are afraid of any sort of abuse from your adult or near adult child, seek our help at the domestic abuse shelter. It is insane to hand out money you don't have or don't want to hand out because you are afraid of your own child. It is so wrong, but it happens. A tantrum where things are banged and broken is a form of violence. I did not realize this until, yes, therapy. I was told the fear of violence or atmosphere of violence is abuse, even if the person does not touch you. Also, it often does eventually turn to violence if the person does not get exasctly what he wants from you. Is it good for your adult child or anyone's child to have you afraid of them so that you will do their bidding? Violence is not something I would live with. Words can also have aggression and violence in them. "I will k ill you." "I will slash your tires." "I will get my friends after you." "I swear, you will pay for this if you don't do it." This is threats and violence. My father used to do this. Also, for emphasis, he would throw things hard. That is violence. You can go to a shelter for help if your child is violent. This advice is not just for Oragami, although it is because of her thread. It is for everyone. If the reason you are giving stuff to your grown kid is because he/she will flip out and maybe destroy things, scream abuse at you or deface your property...your chlid is an abuser and violent. You need to think about what you want to do about it, but it is no more comfortable to live with that than to live with a threatening abusive spouse. There is no difference. It is scary either way. You should not have to be AFRAID to set boundaries with your adult children. Even if they don't like what they do, most adult children DO NOT GET ABUSIVE. They may stomp to their rooms a nd shut their door, but they get over it. Abuse is abuse and, yes, many of us live with abusive grown or almost grown children. I did not even know it at one time. I did not know a child could abuse his parent, no matter how old he was. And I did not realize that violent words, actions and threats were actual violence, but they have the same spooky affect on us as actually getting hit. And they are often a prelude to just that. Nobody, nobody deserves to have to be afraid of his own child. Something needs to change. You, as the abused, need to decide what to do. If anything. Some people live with abuse for long, long periods of time. in my opinion, it is sad, but everyone has to do what they do. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to deal with the entitled attitude, financial stuff with difficult child
Top