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How to explain to child Mom wants nothing to do with him
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 120045" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>David</p><p></p><p>Sending you and Justin many hugs. Such a hard road to walk.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 came to me at about 3. He was my stepson. Initially, his mom was in jail, and she tried to maintain come kind of contact as long as she was locked up. When she was "out", she was always too busy for him. His dad and I divorced several years ago, and he hasn't seen his dad since, either. His mom lives 20 miles away. Dad is 2. Needless to say, dad was distant while difficult child was growing up.</p><p></p><p>difficult child clung to the dream of a traditional nuclear family. In fact, he still wishes he had it. I think its kinda like the "welcome to holland" thing, except from a kid's perspective. He knows (sometimes) that he has a family and a home he'll always be a part of, and has even thanked me for sticking with him when I didn't have to, but he still longs for that dream that will never be. </p><p></p><p>difficult child has come to terms with his mother. I never put her down, but I never sugar-coated anything for her, either. If she promised to call and didn't, I said "maybe something came up, or maybe she forgot". In time, he came to see the big picture, but it was always so hard for him to let it go - he wanted so bad to have what he perceived as a "real" family.</p><p></p><p>He graduated from Marine Corps boot camp in November. We're not out of the woods with him, as he's been on suicide watch and had a couple other minor incidents, but my fingers are crossed. He needs something strict like the military, at least for a while. For some sick reason, his mother went to his graduation (she didn't even come to his high school graduation 10 miles away from her home (and she was invited - I did it, not difficult child) - had been no contact for years prior). difficult child was cordial, but he was not pleased. To my knowledge, he has not been in contact with her since.</p><p></p><p>It was always hard, my own insecurities wanted to scream "No, he's MINE" at times, but I bit my tongue and figured whatever was meant to be, would be. I tried to help him attempt to make her a part of his life when he wanted - we sent greeting cards at times, on the occassional chance she'd call out of the blue and want to visit, I'd drive him up and hang around (he was never comfortable with me leaving him with her again), we invited her to his birthday parties until he quit wanting her to come. And while part of me wanted her to go away, the other part wanted them to come to some sort of positive relationship for his sake. There's still a big part of me that wants her to just go away, but for the most part, they have a relationship that isn't full of ugly feelings. She is what she is and he accepts it. Still wishes, at times, it were different, but doesn't generally dwell on it. And I think after the chill she felt at the Corps graduation, I think she's coming to realize what effects her actions had on her son. Its sad, and I do feel for her, but I watched him hurt for so many years. While I can feel for her, I will stand in his corner, for sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 120045, member: 1848"] David Sending you and Justin many hugs. Such a hard road to walk. difficult child 1 came to me at about 3. He was my stepson. Initially, his mom was in jail, and she tried to maintain come kind of contact as long as she was locked up. When she was "out", she was always too busy for him. His dad and I divorced several years ago, and he hasn't seen his dad since, either. His mom lives 20 miles away. Dad is 2. Needless to say, dad was distant while difficult child was growing up. difficult child clung to the dream of a traditional nuclear family. In fact, he still wishes he had it. I think its kinda like the "welcome to holland" thing, except from a kid's perspective. He knows (sometimes) that he has a family and a home he'll always be a part of, and has even thanked me for sticking with him when I didn't have to, but he still longs for that dream that will never be. difficult child has come to terms with his mother. I never put her down, but I never sugar-coated anything for her, either. If she promised to call and didn't, I said "maybe something came up, or maybe she forgot". In time, he came to see the big picture, but it was always so hard for him to let it go - he wanted so bad to have what he perceived as a "real" family. He graduated from Marine Corps boot camp in November. We're not out of the woods with him, as he's been on suicide watch and had a couple other minor incidents, but my fingers are crossed. He needs something strict like the military, at least for a while. For some sick reason, his mother went to his graduation (she didn't even come to his high school graduation 10 miles away from her home (and she was invited - I did it, not difficult child) - had been no contact for years prior). difficult child was cordial, but he was not pleased. To my knowledge, he has not been in contact with her since. It was always hard, my own insecurities wanted to scream "No, he's MINE" at times, but I bit my tongue and figured whatever was meant to be, would be. I tried to help him attempt to make her a part of his life when he wanted - we sent greeting cards at times, on the occassional chance she'd call out of the blue and want to visit, I'd drive him up and hang around (he was never comfortable with me leaving him with her again), we invited her to his birthday parties until he quit wanting her to come. And while part of me wanted her to go away, the other part wanted them to come to some sort of positive relationship for his sake. There's still a big part of me that wants her to just go away, but for the most part, they have a relationship that isn't full of ugly feelings. She is what she is and he accepts it. Still wishes, at times, it were different, but doesn't generally dwell on it. And I think after the chill she felt at the Corps graduation, I think she's coming to realize what effects her actions had on her son. Its sad, and I do feel for her, but I watched him hurt for so many years. While I can feel for her, I will stand in his corner, for sure. [/QUOTE]
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