Setting strong boundaries has literally saved my sanity!
Coming to the understanding that our children can and will manipulate us and use our love and emotions against us, is key to stop enabling.
My son recently called my husband and they chatted for quite a while. I purposely went to shower and do other things so I would not be in the room. As much as I love my son, I quite frankly do not want to talk to him. When I knew the phone call was over I came out and asked my husband about their conversation. There was the usual, my son trying to dictate to my husband on how we should be living our lives - yes, this coming from a 38 year old who's life is out of control. My husband then went on to tell me that our son made comments about how we were such great parents. This is where the red flag went up. My son typically only wants to tell us how we were rotten parents and never there for him. (oh I could go through the laundry list of ALL the times we were not only there for him, but helped/enabled him). I say the red flag went up because this has been a pattern with my son. He will be "nice" for a while and then it happens, he wants something, usually money.
I have been burned too many times by my son and will no longer bite at the bait of him being nice. Hooray if it's sincere! I pray and hope it is but that still does not mean I am under any obligation to help/enable him.
Yes, boundaries have saved my sanity.
