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How to handle my difficult child mom?
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 591037" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>MWM - I know exactly what you are saying. I talked to my mom again today after I'd posted and she said "I could never DO to you what you are DOING TO him." I'm sorry, what exactly am I doing to him? He's done it to himself. He's made his choices, he chooses not to go to school, to party with his friends, to live on someone else's couch. He chooses not to wash his clothes and not to shower. </p><p></p><p>My mom would never have put up with behaviour like that from me when I was living at home. I used to get grounded for coming home 5 minutes late. I'd have gotten the snot beat out of me if I'd spoken to my mother the way difficult child speaks to me, let alone do the things he's done. </p><p></p><p>The funny thing is I have aunts and uncles (her brothers and sisters) that are so dysfunctional and she won't have anything to do with them. I told her today that all she is doing is helping difficult child become what they are. She used to try to help them out but has given up on them (rightly so) but my grandmother enabled them for so long that the damage is permanent. And there are mental health issues that have never been dealt with, of course. </p><p></p><p>I told my mom today that I felt that her going against my wishes was very disrespectful to husband and I. She said "Well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree." IE. I'm going to do whatever I want and I don't care if you're happy about it or not. Which is her right and not within my control but boy is it disrespectful to us as parents. I should ask her how she felt when my friends parents took my drug addicted brother in when he ran away at 17 because he was on probation and my mom was trying to make him follow the rules. </p><p></p><p>Scent - my difficult child is not an addict (at least at this point). He was drug tested 3 times last year and came back clean. He does drink with his friends sometimes but I would put that as stupid teenage drinking with friends, not addiction. </p><p></p><p>That said, I totally understand how my mothers heart might be broken right now. I will give my parents credit that they were wonderful grandparents to my children. Spent a lot of time with them, babysat and took them to the zoo, movies, bowling, you name it. They had a very close bond with my children. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I see difficult child getting attention and stuff for the wrong reasons and easy child is getting ignored because she doesn't 'need' it like difficult child does. She doesn't know about what's happened recently but she will find out about certain things, that is inevitable and I'm afraid she would resent my mom for what she is doing - rewarding bad behaviour in difficult child and ignoring good behaviour in her. </p><p></p><p>I love the joke about him straightening his life out because Grandma bought him new underwear. It's funny. And we need to find the humour in things! LOL. I wish I'd have only known that was all it would take to get him back on the right track. LOL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 591037, member: 14356"] MWM - I know exactly what you are saying. I talked to my mom again today after I'd posted and she said "I could never DO to you what you are DOING TO him." I'm sorry, what exactly am I doing to him? He's done it to himself. He's made his choices, he chooses not to go to school, to party with his friends, to live on someone else's couch. He chooses not to wash his clothes and not to shower. My mom would never have put up with behaviour like that from me when I was living at home. I used to get grounded for coming home 5 minutes late. I'd have gotten the snot beat out of me if I'd spoken to my mother the way difficult child speaks to me, let alone do the things he's done. The funny thing is I have aunts and uncles (her brothers and sisters) that are so dysfunctional and she won't have anything to do with them. I told her today that all she is doing is helping difficult child become what they are. She used to try to help them out but has given up on them (rightly so) but my grandmother enabled them for so long that the damage is permanent. And there are mental health issues that have never been dealt with, of course. I told my mom today that I felt that her going against my wishes was very disrespectful to husband and I. She said "Well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree." IE. I'm going to do whatever I want and I don't care if you're happy about it or not. Which is her right and not within my control but boy is it disrespectful to us as parents. I should ask her how she felt when my friends parents took my drug addicted brother in when he ran away at 17 because he was on probation and my mom was trying to make him follow the rules. Scent - my difficult child is not an addict (at least at this point). He was drug tested 3 times last year and came back clean. He does drink with his friends sometimes but I would put that as stupid teenage drinking with friends, not addiction. That said, I totally understand how my mothers heart might be broken right now. I will give my parents credit that they were wonderful grandparents to my children. Spent a lot of time with them, babysat and took them to the zoo, movies, bowling, you name it. They had a very close bond with my children. Unfortunately, I see difficult child getting attention and stuff for the wrong reasons and easy child is getting ignored because she doesn't 'need' it like difficult child does. She doesn't know about what's happened recently but she will find out about certain things, that is inevitable and I'm afraid she would resent my mom for what she is doing - rewarding bad behaviour in difficult child and ignoring good behaviour in her. I love the joke about him straightening his life out because Grandma bought him new underwear. It's funny. And we need to find the humour in things! LOL. I wish I'd have only known that was all it would take to get him back on the right track. LOL [/QUOTE]
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