Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to help adult grandchildren re: difficult child?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 584438" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Barbara if you are not a difficult child yourself............you learn out of self preservation. </p><p></p><p>My sibs, who spent 24/7 with my mom had it rougher and it took them longer to figure out that many things were her and not them. They're still in the process of figuring it out and they're in their 50s. They do, however, do much better than they did when they were in their 20s. But they still don't quite "get it". </p><p></p><p>Because I spent a good 90 percent of my early childhood with my grandma (up to age 11 or so), I got sort of an outsiders view of my mother, plus that mother/child bond never really formed. It did, but it was with grandma, not mom. Most importantly, in my opinion, I got to see how "normal" women/mothers behave and parent. And it was little like my mom's.......hers was always so extreme. I had my mother's number by the age of 12. Her opinion no longer mattered after that point. I no longer needed her approval, sought her approval, and usually didn't even acknowledge her approval the rare moments I received it. </p><p></p><p>Maturity and age...........and forming a detached relationship from my mom began to teach me she is not her mental illness. (schizophrenia) She is a person with a mental illness, and often that illness causes behavior and thinking that alienates her from others, most especially those she loves (because of course we see more of it than anyone). I can appreciate her good qualities, which there are many. And I can detach from her difficult child qualities, which there are also many. </p><p></p><p>I haven't read any of the other responses yet. But some people benefit from talking with a therapist if only to have the diagnosis explained along with the behaviors with an opportunity to unload emotions they've spent a lifetime building up. I didn't need that, but many people do. </p><p></p><p>If my sibs would first learn to accept mom's diagnosis, then learn about it........well, they'd make much more progress in detachment. But they still waffle where her diagnosis is concerned. Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 584438, member: 84"] Barbara if you are not a difficult child yourself............you learn out of self preservation. My sibs, who spent 24/7 with my mom had it rougher and it took them longer to figure out that many things were her and not them. They're still in the process of figuring it out and they're in their 50s. They do, however, do much better than they did when they were in their 20s. But they still don't quite "get it". Because I spent a good 90 percent of my early childhood with my grandma (up to age 11 or so), I got sort of an outsiders view of my mother, plus that mother/child bond never really formed. It did, but it was with grandma, not mom. Most importantly, in my opinion, I got to see how "normal" women/mothers behave and parent. And it was little like my mom's.......hers was always so extreme. I had my mother's number by the age of 12. Her opinion no longer mattered after that point. I no longer needed her approval, sought her approval, and usually didn't even acknowledge her approval the rare moments I received it. Maturity and age...........and forming a detached relationship from my mom began to teach me she is not her mental illness. (schizophrenia) She is a person with a mental illness, and often that illness causes behavior and thinking that alienates her from others, most especially those she loves (because of course we see more of it than anyone). I can appreciate her good qualities, which there are many. And I can detach from her difficult child qualities, which there are also many. I haven't read any of the other responses yet. But some people benefit from talking with a therapist if only to have the diagnosis explained along with the behaviors with an opportunity to unload emotions they've spent a lifetime building up. I didn't need that, but many people do. If my sibs would first learn to accept mom's diagnosis, then learn about it........well, they'd make much more progress in detachment. But they still waffle where her diagnosis is concerned. Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to help adult grandchildren re: difficult child?
Top