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how to help difficult child with weight problem?
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 531878" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Hello, </p><p>Does your difficult child take any medicine, like AD, antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, prednisone... any medicine which makes him put on weight ? </p><p>Insatiable appetite comes along with certain medicines, so it's absolutely indispensable to know something like that.</p><p>Any mental health issue ? Does he see a psychiatrist ?</p><p></p><p>Another possibility is about he overeats because of psychiatric issues. </p><p>If you focus only on food and exercise, things don't improve but worsen. </p><p>Does your difficult child see a counselor ? </p><p></p><p>Does your difficult child sleep enough ? </p><p>Lack of sleep can more often than not trigger overeating so obesity.</p><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong, you are a great mom by being concerned about his being overweight.</p><p>But you focus only on food and exercise. If you want to tackle the problem, you need to have a broader picture of it. Otherwise, as hard as you work, it will go nowhere. </p><p></p><p>If sport becomes a chore, you can be sure that everyone gives up, and not only a difficult child. </p><p>So think about hidden exercise, like gardening (yup, gardening, you heard it). </p><p>Don't drive him to take the bread whereas the baker is only at 300m, he can go by foot. </p><p>Encourage him to go to school by foot. </p><p></p><p>About food, why not having him taught how to cook ? </p><p>If he does not know how to cook healthy meals, no wonder he will get on junk food !!</p><p>If you have no money, you can propose a service exchange, like one hour cooking lesson = one hour computer using lesson. </p><p></p><p>If I were you, I would stop the power struggle <u>right now</u>. The more you get into a power struggle, the more he will put on weight. Classical but unfortunately, the most frequent situation between parents and obese children. </p><p>It's hard to break old patterns. It takes time. But it works where everything else fails. I've been there done that with my family and my friends. It's hard and sometimes, painful. </p><p></p><p>So you can let him know that he will manage this situation with his doctor, and that you are not here to police him. He does not have to lose weight to please you, <u>he has to lose weight for his health</u>. So turn the situation in something <u>about himself, for himself</u>, not for you and for his dad. He does not do it for you, he does it for himself, for being healthy, he does not do it to obey someone or society. </p><p>Give him the control over it, and more control than he already has. Like he manages his appointments with the doctor : if he didn't go to the appointment, he can blame only himself, not you, not anyone else. </p><p>If he eats too much and put on weight, he can blame only himself. etc etc....</p><p>Also, let him choose with which doctor he wants help. He may not feel very at ease with his pediatrician about that. He needs to feel at ease with the doctor he sees. </p><p>The only non negotiable thing is that he has to see a doctor to monitor his condition. He cannot choose not to see a doctor. </p><p>But he can choose the person. He is not too young to make such a choice. And he needs to make such a choice.</p><p>(it is also a non negotiable rule at home for me : I cannot refuse the medical care, but I can choose with which doctor I want to be. As young as teenagehood, mom knew that she cannot oblige me to see someone that I don't like. But she has stayed firm about the non negotiable rule which is the obligation to get medical care. It was not too hard to follow because I had and still have the choice with whom I want to be followed by. Otherwise, I would not have accepted the medical care)</p><p></p><p>Stop the power struggle <u>right now</u>, <u>right now</u>, <u>right now</u>. For his sake and <strong>for your sake</strong>.</p><p>You do your best, and you want to do so well, that you feel you need to control his eating, exercise and such. But your son opposes himself with you. </p><p>If you stop controlling him, and let him the duty to carry on his weight loss, you don't give him up. Instead, you show him that he has the power to lose weight, and he does not do it <u>for you</u>.</p><p>Also for the sake of family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 531878, member: 14306"] Hello, Does your difficult child take any medicine, like AD, antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, prednisone... any medicine which makes him put on weight ? Insatiable appetite comes along with certain medicines, so it's absolutely indispensable to know something like that. Any mental health issue ? Does he see a psychiatrist ? Another possibility is about he overeats because of psychiatric issues. If you focus only on food and exercise, things don't improve but worsen. Does your difficult child see a counselor ? Does your difficult child sleep enough ? Lack of sleep can more often than not trigger overeating so obesity. Don't get me wrong, you are a great mom by being concerned about his being overweight. But you focus only on food and exercise. If you want to tackle the problem, you need to have a broader picture of it. Otherwise, as hard as you work, it will go nowhere. If sport becomes a chore, you can be sure that everyone gives up, and not only a difficult child. So think about hidden exercise, like gardening (yup, gardening, you heard it). Don't drive him to take the bread whereas the baker is only at 300m, he can go by foot. Encourage him to go to school by foot. About food, why not having him taught how to cook ? If he does not know how to cook healthy meals, no wonder he will get on junk food !! If you have no money, you can propose a service exchange, like one hour cooking lesson = one hour computer using lesson. If I were you, I would stop the power struggle [U]right now[/U]. The more you get into a power struggle, the more he will put on weight. Classical but unfortunately, the most frequent situation between parents and obese children. It's hard to break old patterns. It takes time. But it works where everything else fails. I've been there done that with my family and my friends. It's hard and sometimes, painful. So you can let him know that he will manage this situation with his doctor, and that you are not here to police him. He does not have to lose weight to please you, [U]he has to lose weight for his health[/U]. So turn the situation in something [U]about himself, for himself[/U], not for you and for his dad. He does not do it for you, he does it for himself, for being healthy, he does not do it to obey someone or society. Give him the control over it, and more control than he already has. Like he manages his appointments with the doctor : if he didn't go to the appointment, he can blame only himself, not you, not anyone else. If he eats too much and put on weight, he can blame only himself. etc etc.... Also, let him choose with which doctor he wants help. He may not feel very at ease with his pediatrician about that. He needs to feel at ease with the doctor he sees. The only non negotiable thing is that he has to see a doctor to monitor his condition. He cannot choose not to see a doctor. But he can choose the person. He is not too young to make such a choice. And he needs to make such a choice. (it is also a non negotiable rule at home for me : I cannot refuse the medical care, but I can choose with which doctor I want to be. As young as teenagehood, mom knew that she cannot oblige me to see someone that I don't like. But she has stayed firm about the non negotiable rule which is the obligation to get medical care. It was not too hard to follow because I had and still have the choice with whom I want to be followed by. Otherwise, I would not have accepted the medical care) Stop the power struggle [U]right now[/U], [U]right now[/U], [U]right now[/U]. For his sake and [B]for your sake[/B]. You do your best, and you want to do so well, that you feel you need to control his eating, exercise and such. But your son opposes himself with you. If you stop controlling him, and let him the duty to carry on his weight loss, you don't give him up. Instead, you show him that he has the power to lose weight, and he does not do it [U]for you[/U]. Also for the sake of family. [/QUOTE]
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