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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655427" data-attributes="member: 17461">Thank you for posting.I don't see myself as the scapegoat.  Maybe, in dysfunctional families where there is only a black/white reality, there is a role (Golden Child for one, maybe?) each of the other children take on, too.  Everyone is hurt, because none of the sibs are encouraged to grow, to make mistakes, to value learning from the challenges that come to all of us.That would explain so much of what I see in my own FOO.The toxicity levels hit the stratosphere after my father's death.I suppose each of us works through it as best we know.  In the work I did, I was able to interact with many extended families during times of crisis.  I did see a range of dysfunction ~ but I also saw beautifully connected families.It was a very special thing, to see them loving and cherishing and accepting and going on, each of them sharing the loss and honoring the story.True.:O)Cedar</blockquote>