Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to pick a therapist?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Tired out" data-source="post: 742836" data-attributes="member: 23103"><p>funny you say read </p><p>.</p><p>My sister told me B should read that book. I guess I need to get it and read it. ..oh wait... I went to check my kindle and guess what book is on my nightstand --yep-- Feeling Good. I bought it when sis told me to get it. I will halt reading Harry Potter (my stress relief) for the up-teenth time and read this.</p><p>What do I want out of therapy. I want to let go. I am not sure if I am a bit of a control freak or if I am just trying to keep stress out of our house. </p><p>I told you I can still see B's bank deposits, withdrawals. So far when his rent is due he asks me to meet him at the bank to get him a cashiers check for his rent--so far every month he has been short and I have made up the difference--he knows I will--he is manipulating and I know that. You say, "why the bank check, why fill in the $s he is missing?" for me bank check is free, fill in the extra $s because I need (for my own sleep) to know he has a place to live. I don't want him to want to come back into our home but I want him to have a place to live. Do I say anything to his dad about this? Absolutely not. dad is stresses too much with work and the thought of what B did in the 1st place. </p><p>However I am deciding (I think) at this point I want to be done with his manipulative tactics. I want to quit thinking about him, where he is, what he is doing, if he paid his rent, if he made his car and car insurance payments. His snotty texts to me last night was a nail in the coffin for me. </p><p>He had a full time job and a part time job which filled in the gaps financially. He quit the part time job , he said he was sick of taking up the slack for the guy he followed on shift that left stuff for him to do. To me, he is there getting paid just work get your paycheck, pay your bills, period. I don't know if this is true or if he got fired or if he just quit, he is lazy. either way he needed that money to have enough to pay his bills. His dad works 6 to 7 days/week, I work 24/7 taking care of physically disable son. Why should I fill in his gaps when he is an able body and can have a second job himself to fill in the gaps? I know that when he stole the stuff out of our bedroom he also went through our file cabinet. He saw Dad's retirement accounts, or bank records etc. My personal thought is that he is figuring we have plenty and we can help him. The last time I saw him I said to him, "I know the way you look at things we have plenty of money so paying your bills shouldn't be a problem to us". He said, "well you have lots and when Dad retires he gets a big payout"</p><p>I said, "you are short sighted. that retirement money has to see us through 20+ years and take care of your disabled brother. We aren't dipping into our retirement to pay your bills. "</p><p>That was a little over a week ago. Maybe he thought he would give it one more try with the car payment? </p><p>Quite honestly between you and me. IF it was just a car payment and not the laziness, blowing money that I don't have a clue where it is going (cash withdrawals), manipulation. I would probably make the payment, But there is too much else involved. </p><p></p><p>I want to figure out how not to be bullied and manipulated. </p><p>I want to detach from him. I'm not sure if that is the right term. </p><p>I want him to know that when he decides to own up to the lies he has told that we will be here.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for the long post and run on sentences. I was doing pretty well with all of this until last nights texts. I don't know why he brought up Thanksgiving and Christmas.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tired out, post: 742836, member: 23103"] funny you say read . My sister told me B should read that book. I guess I need to get it and read it. ..oh wait... I went to check my kindle and guess what book is on my nightstand --yep-- Feeling Good. I bought it when sis told me to get it. I will halt reading Harry Potter (my stress relief) for the up-teenth time and read this. What do I want out of therapy. I want to let go. I am not sure if I am a bit of a control freak or if I am just trying to keep stress out of our house. I told you I can still see B's bank deposits, withdrawals. So far when his rent is due he asks me to meet him at the bank to get him a cashiers check for his rent--so far every month he has been short and I have made up the difference--he knows I will--he is manipulating and I know that. You say, "why the bank check, why fill in the $s he is missing?" for me bank check is free, fill in the extra $s because I need (for my own sleep) to know he has a place to live. I don't want him to want to come back into our home but I want him to have a place to live. Do I say anything to his dad about this? Absolutely not. dad is stresses too much with work and the thought of what B did in the 1st place. However I am deciding (I think) at this point I want to be done with his manipulative tactics. I want to quit thinking about him, where he is, what he is doing, if he paid his rent, if he made his car and car insurance payments. His snotty texts to me last night was a nail in the coffin for me. He had a full time job and a part time job which filled in the gaps financially. He quit the part time job , he said he was sick of taking up the slack for the guy he followed on shift that left stuff for him to do. To me, he is there getting paid just work get your paycheck, pay your bills, period. I don't know if this is true or if he got fired or if he just quit, he is lazy. either way he needed that money to have enough to pay his bills. His dad works 6 to 7 days/week, I work 24/7 taking care of physically disable son. Why should I fill in his gaps when he is an able body and can have a second job himself to fill in the gaps? I know that when he stole the stuff out of our bedroom he also went through our file cabinet. He saw Dad's retirement accounts, or bank records etc. My personal thought is that he is figuring we have plenty and we can help him. The last time I saw him I said to him, "I know the way you look at things we have plenty of money so paying your bills shouldn't be a problem to us". He said, "well you have lots and when Dad retires he gets a big payout" I said, "you are short sighted. that retirement money has to see us through 20+ years and take care of your disabled brother. We aren't dipping into our retirement to pay your bills. " That was a little over a week ago. Maybe he thought he would give it one more try with the car payment? Quite honestly between you and me. IF it was just a car payment and not the laziness, blowing money that I don't have a clue where it is going (cash withdrawals), manipulation. I would probably make the payment, But there is too much else involved. I want to figure out how not to be bullied and manipulated. I want to detach from him. I'm not sure if that is the right term. I want him to know that when he decides to own up to the lies he has told that we will be here. Sorry for the long post and run on sentences. I was doing pretty well with all of this until last nights texts. I don't know why he brought up Thanksgiving and Christmas. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to pick a therapist?
Top