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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 597520" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>An update on shame work vs positive affirmation:</p><p></p><p>I ordered Bradshaw's book. (Healing the Shame That Binds You) This is an old book. While I am probably going to try to stick with it, I'm finding it depressing. Rooting around in the past, seeking out old trauma without ever being sure you are really accomplishing anything hasn't left me feeling any healthier. I get myself all riled up, journal the heck out of everything...but I don't know that all this work is changing anything for me. Everything seems darker and heavier and more hopeless while working in this book. I am, however, finding it of immense value to journal through the in-the-present-moment anger and/or betrayal I feel over what difficult child is doing. I even think I might actually be recovering myself. It does make sense that I would stumble a little when we first came back to the city where difficult child failed and fell and still lives. (Homelessly, that is.)</p><p></p><p>Ew. </p><p></p><p>I also ordered a number of books from Joel Osteen. (Currently, am reading, "Become a Better You.") The result has been immediate and quite dramatic. I feel like I have the juice to face what is so painful, with compassion. At the same time, I feel less singled out, less "there must be something intrinsically wrong with me, or with my family, and that's why this happened." </p><p></p><p>So I am stronger. </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>This is one of the things Joel Osteen says about loss: "If you have been through a loss or one of your dreams has died, of course there's a proper time for grieving. But at some point, you have to get up, dust yourself off, put on a fresh attitude, and start pressing forward in life. Don't let disappointment be the central theme of your life. Quit mourning over something you can't change." </p><p></p><p>A few weeks back, I read "I Declare." (Joel Osteen) I felt stronger and happier while reading that. In that the book is broken into 31 declarations, one for each day of the month, it was especially helpful in countering difficult child-related fear, pain, or anger. </p><p></p><p>I definitely prefer the Joel Osteen books to the Bradshaw books.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 597520, member: 1721"] An update on shame work vs positive affirmation: I ordered Bradshaw's book. (Healing the Shame That Binds You) This is an old book. While I am probably going to try to stick with it, I'm finding it depressing. Rooting around in the past, seeking out old trauma without ever being sure you are really accomplishing anything hasn't left me feeling any healthier. I get myself all riled up, journal the heck out of everything...but I don't know that all this work is changing anything for me. Everything seems darker and heavier and more hopeless while working in this book. I am, however, finding it of immense value to journal through the in-the-present-moment anger and/or betrayal I feel over what difficult child is doing. I even think I might actually be recovering myself. It does make sense that I would stumble a little when we first came back to the city where difficult child failed and fell and still lives. (Homelessly, that is.) Ew. I also ordered a number of books from Joel Osteen. (Currently, am reading, "Become a Better You.") The result has been immediate and quite dramatic. I feel like I have the juice to face what is so painful, with compassion. At the same time, I feel less singled out, less "there must be something intrinsically wrong with me, or with my family, and that's why this happened." So I am stronger. :O) This is one of the things Joel Osteen says about loss: "If you have been through a loss or one of your dreams has died, of course there's a proper time for grieving. But at some point, you have to get up, dust yourself off, put on a fresh attitude, and start pressing forward in life. Don't let disappointment be the central theme of your life. Quit mourning over something you can't change." A few weeks back, I read "I Declare." (Joel Osteen) I felt stronger and happier while reading that. In that the book is broken into 31 declarations, one for each day of the month, it was especially helpful in countering difficult child-related fear, pain, or anger. I definitely prefer the Joel Osteen books to the Bradshaw books. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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